Christmas decorations

I have loads of warm and fun memories around Christmas. I love most of the music, the decorations, the lights and the way the whole atmosphere just changes for a couple weeks. Watching my daughter this past week getting all excited about the Christmas music and decorations made me smile and realize another aspect I love about this time of year. It just brings out the kid in me. I think that is part of the appeal.

No one can really claim to the have the perfect family and I am no different, but there was something about the time from Thanksgiving to January 6, that just seemed to always bring out the best in the family. Thanksgiving dinner was a big deal that included way too much food as it had to cover both the traditional American cuisine and some of the elements the Filipino cuisine. So dinner would include a turkey, lumpia, punsit, stuffing, ambrosia, cranberry sauce, etc. Same thing would happen on New Year's Day. Both days would involve a game or two of street football or just some time running passes or playing catch.


In the days leading up to Christmas there was the tree hunt where we would go out to some local farm to cut our own tree. We would decorate it while listening to Mom's music collection such as the Osmond Family Christmas or Johnny Mathis. We'd have egg nog in our special cups. There would be the the critiques from Mom that we were hanging too many ornaments in place or clumping the tinsel.

Christmas Eve, my sibllings would camp out in my room because it was downstairs and closer to the Santa action. We'd tell stories and and try to stay up to hear when Santa came. We did this until I left the house for college.

So, now is the time to start some similiar traditions in our house.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was warm, cozy and simple. No stress. No muss. Friends and family gathered at my sister in law's home. The weather was perfect and we were able to take the girls to the park while dinner finished cooking. We played. We talked and relaxed.


There was a fun element to the dinner. The secret ingredient was corn. Yep, each person was assigned to bring a dish that used some element of corn in it . . . corn flour, corn meal, corn, corn nuts, corn syrup, etc. We brought turkey tamales as an appetizer. Others brought ChexMix with corn nuts in it, corn relish, corn bread stuffing, corn ice cream (apparently very popular in the Philippines) and pies made with corn meal crust. Yes, I tried the corn ice cream which was ok, but the texture kind of made it not something I would try again. There was also shredded carrot in it.


But, for the sentimental softy side of me, the best part of the day came the next day. My sister in law who hosted the dinner, bought a Promise Basket in all of the guests names from Heifer International. It was a wonderful reminder of all the things we have to be thankful for this year and that we have the ability to share our bounty with others.

There are lots of ways to give back to society. I have donated money and time to various charities over the years. I have purchased from places that have a cause they support such as Greatergood.com or the Breast Cancer site.

However, I was thinking that is even a simpler, cheaper way to give a little and that is to be polite and share a little kindness on a regular basis everyday. Be a courteous driver and maybe let someone merge in front of you once in awhile. Hold a door for someone. Smile more often. Get outside and meet your neighbors. Talk to your checker at the check-out line instead of gazing off into space as you are hypnotized by the drone of the scanner beeping your items. I am just thinking of some ways I have tried to be more polite and I usually feel better about it.

I think it is just a matter of taking a breath and a moment to realize we have so much to be grateful for and to be negative, closed in and impatient is just a waste of time and energy. I see examples everyday that there are far worse things in life than to be cut-off in traffic.

My PSA for November: Diabetes Awareness

I was reading around in my nursing journals and discovered that November is Diabetes Awareness and Nov 14 is World Diabetes Day.

Most of the patients in my ICU have diabetes or are admitted due to a complication from diabetes. Some of my co-workers are getting diagnosed with it and some of my friends and their family. Shoot, if I am not careful I may be diagnosed with it soon myself.

One of the more upsetting stories I run across when it comes to diabetes is the man in his late 20s or early 30s who has been ignoring symptoms of diabetes due to ignorance or stubbornness for a while. He finally comes in when either he has started losing his eyesight or problems from his failing kidneys bring him in. Unfortunately at that point, he may be looking at permanent blindness or amputation or dialysis with a life expectancy of less than 10 years.

What is diabetes? Regardless of the type of diabetes you have, the complications that arise are due to your body not having enough insulin (a hormone that comes from your pancreas) to help convert glucose (sugar) to energy. There are 2 types. One type (Type 1) results from a lack of insulin, meaning that for some reason the pancreas just isn't producing enough insulin. The other type, (Type II) is more related to the cells in your own body becoming resistant to the insulin that is being produced. Your pancreas is producing insulin, but for several reasons, your body is ignoring it and thus lots of glucose is left floating in your blood stream and body resorts to other means to generate energy.

What can happen if your diabetes goes untreated? What are long term effects of diabetes? You have increased risk for serious infections and limb loss, peripheral nerve loss, kidney failure, cardiovascular disease, stroke and blindness. But, it is not all gloom and doom for diabetics. It is very possible to live a long productive life with this diagnosis if you get the treatment you need and make the necessary lifestyle changes required.

What are some signs and symptoms that you should go see your doctor? Here you go:

• Thirsty and drinking more often, plus going to the bathroom more frequently
• Weight loss when you aren't really trying to lose the weight
• Weakness and fatigue
• Tingling or numbness in your hands and feet
• Blurred vision
• Dry, itchy skin
• Cuts that take a long time to heal
• Easy to bruise

So, if you would like additional info on diabetes check out these sites:

• Diabetes Goldmine
• American Diabetes Association
• Beat Diabetes

That was my PSA for November. :)

2 books in less than 5 days!?!?

Yeah, believe it or not I finished 2 books in less than a week. I think the last time I did something like that I was in my early 20s and that was awhile ago.

I finished "Eldest" by Paolini, his second book in the series. It was much better than his first and I think it was longer too. I enjoyed his descriptions of the elves, discussions on the various faiths and of course, the relationship with the dragons. What a wonderful piece of escapism. I finished it and got online to see when the final book in the series was coming out and found out two things. One, it is no longer a trilogy but is now called a "cycle" and will be 4 books long, not 3. Two, the third book won't be out until Septemner 2008. Yep, a whole freakin' year away!! Ugh.

So, I slept on that bit of news and started a little book I had picked up at the library last week. "Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress" by Sijie. What a surprising little book. It was a refreshing light read, that although was simple was still able to provide rich imagery of the events. I loved how it ended and loved the quote. It brought a smile to my face. It peaked my interested in the French auther, Balzac. Balzac was a prolific tortured writer, but I think I may try to read one of books if I can find it at the library. I also found that the author (Sijie) directed a movie version of his novel in 2002. I guess I am a smidge behind the times.

Now, I either need to attack the pile of nursing journals and texts from classes taken recently or try to find another book to read. I do have this one book that I still can't seem to finish. I am still mired in the foreword, that I stupidly thought I should read. The book, "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius."

I think I'll try the nursing journals. :)

Randomness at the drug store

There is has been a plague hovering over our house since mid-October. First, the daughter comes down with the creeping crud that causes the cough that sounds like a lung or parts of the lung are coming up, the sore throat and hoarse voice and copious amounts of snot that looks like it could be used as a green glue. She would cough so hard she caused herself to puke. Then this lovely illness passes to the husband. Then, just when I think the plague has passed I get it and lost my voice for almost 4 days and had to use 2 sick days for work.

My voice is returning, the cough is nearly gone. The daughter's cough has been gone for maybe a week. The husband still has a residual cough. Things are looking up. It is a new month, but it doesn't last. Yesterday the daughter starts grabbing at her lower abdomen, about where the bladder should be and starts screaming and saying she has to pee. This continues on for the rest of the night. I take her in to the doctor today and expect a diagnosis of bladder or urinary tract infection but that is not the case. She is stumped. All the symptoms of a bladder infection but the lab results say no. So, I am told to take her home, make her drink her fluids and give her nice warm baths, with no bubblebath.

After a couple of hours of still dealing with her pain and cries and runs to the bathroom, she has started to puke now and I can't really give her anything. So, I decide to go to the drug store and pick up some Coke (great for upset stomachs) and maybe some rectal Tylenol. If someone is puking so much they can't keep down medicine, sometimes you can give the medicine through the rectum and at least they can have some relief from pain.

So, I am browsing the aisle at the drug store and discover that they actually do have pediatric doses of rectal Tylenol. Then I discover what is truly amazing, dissolving Tylenol. These sweet little tablets that just dissolve on the tongue, which means they are absorbed straight into the blood stream through the oral membranes! My god, what a fantastic invention. That goes into the shopping basket.

Next, I am off to the stomach aisle. You can't typically give a kid with stomach flu anything for it, especially something like Pepto-Bismol because it contains aspirin. I decide to check anyways since I found this amazing new form of Tylenol. They did have this product on this shelf that said it was an anti-emetic for kids so I read the label. Ingredients listed were glucose, fructose and phosphoric acid . . . surprisingly those are the same ingredients in the Coke I had already thrown in the basket. Coke for an upset stomach is a remedy that has been passed on for a long time and now someone has put some of those same ingredients in a medicine so they can charge more for it. Go figure. I am definitely keeping the Coke in the shopping basket.

Next comes the beginning of the really funny part of this shopping adventure. The doctor had a theory that maybe some of the pain she is experiencing is from irritation from either too many bubble baths or time in the chlorinated waters of the hot tub. She recommended warm baths or sitz baths for the daughter, so I was in the feminine hygiene aisle to see if they had something you could add to warm baths to help with discomfort. There was a guy there browsing the condom section. I am thinking, 'Good for him. Practicing safe sex.' Then I remember I had seen him earlier looking in the booze section with his girlfriend while I was buying the Coke.

By the way, there was nothing in the feminine hygiene department for the daughter's ailment. I ended up just using a normal hot bath.

I am finally at the check out line and who is in front of me? The guy who had been shopping for booze and condoms with his girlfriend. Yet, he was buying only one item . . . a fakey rhinestone, sparkly thing that I think was for her hair or maybe was a bracelet. That was it.

I am left wondering did he decide he wasn't going to get lucky and gave up on the booze and condoms? Or, is she a cheap date and only needs some fake bling to get excited? Maybe he already had enough condoms? Who knows, but it was kind of amusing. Fakey bling from the drug store.

The dissolving Tylenol and Coke were big hit back at home.

Why the corn picture?

You may wonder about the corn picture on my page. I love Fall. All the colors, the leaves, the pumpkins and even the lighting. There is something almost magical about the lighting on a sunny Fall day. I took the dried corn picture at Swank Farms Corn Maze. Enjoy some other pictures I have taken during Fall.
And, Happy Halloween!

The happiest place on earth? Depends. . .

I went to my happy place recently, Disneyland. I took my favorite D-land partner, my daughter. There were so many moments that were priceless for me due to their comedic nature.

First . . . The daughter was so excited about the trip that she actually woke up 4:30am on the day of departure. We flew to D-land so by the time we were lining up at the security gates at D-land it was about 10:30 a.m and she had been up for 6 hours with about only 6 hours of sleep from the night before. For those without kids, this is a recipe for disaster. It was one of the hottest days on record for October in Anaheim and apparently several schools were closed due to Columbus Day. It was hot and it was crowded. She immediately started whining about the heat and standing in line. She eventually started saying she didn't even want to go to D-land. I knew she was whining more because she was hot and tired. We finally get inside the gates and we are standing in the happiest place on Earth and what does my daughter say? "Wendy (from the movie Peter Pan) is not here! I am not happy!" This is punctuated with foot stomping and a healthy pout. I am chuckling and behind me a woman with her husband says, "That's not right. She's in the happiest place." Of course, they were chuckling too.

Second . . . I ask, "Do you want your picture taken with Mickey Mouse? Do you want to meet Mickey?" She says, "No. I don't like Mickey. I only like Pluto." I am surprised we weren't escorted out of the park after that comment.

Third . . . "Mom, can we stay in Disneyland forever?"

Fourth . . . She says after riding Pirates of the Carribean, "I saw Captain Sparrow 5 times and the guy with the octopus face was talking at us with his face on the water. I like Captain Sparrow. "

Fifth . . . "Mom, can you please take my picture with the candy corn. I love candy corn." As do I do, sweetie, as do I.

There were several other moments, but the last one I'll leave you with, "Mom, I want to stay here forever but I miss my daddy and my big dog." Ah, the dilemma of a 4 year old.

Ahhh...a nice refreshing rain at last

Yeah! It rained. It was cold and wet. Something that hasn't been the case for months, unless you count some foggy mornings around here. Fall is here. Of course, the daughter kept asking why is it raining all the time and how come it won't stop, and how come the rain is following her and how come the water moves like that on the car window. . . endless questions.

I was having on of those thoughts today as I was zoning out to HGTV. I was wondering what someone from another country would think of our obsession of remodeling our houses and accessorizing pillows to draw out the accent color in the throw rug. The industry around home improvement is huge, the designers, the schools, the tv, the stores, books, internet, etc. I began to think about people who don't really have a home or have a really crappy home. They may a 1 room hut or less. Talk about designing for small spaces. Then those same small cramped dwellings may have a full extended family trying to live in it, with livestock running around under the house or through the house. Then I was thinking, you don't have to go too far to find people living like that. Have you seen how migrant farmers live? People in the Appalachia's? On Indian reservations? Hell, we have some apartment buildings in the Bay Area or rental houses that are pretty awful.

At some level, watching people rip apart someone's house because they have too much clutter or they chose some bland shade of white for the whole house is kind of disgusting. I mean, some people would love to live in that cluttered white shack because it is 100 times nicer than what they have.

Why am I just sitting here on a couch when these types of social inequities are occurring?

So, I kept watching HGTV and I then I started to get mad at the designers that bitch about tv's being the center of a room's attention. Hello?!?! How do you think people watch your show??

I then realized that my coffee had probably kicked in I should do some writing, emailing, etc.

BTW, I am trying to read "A Heartbreaking Work of Stagger Genius" and just can't even make it to the first chapter. I am still wading through the prologue. I need a new book to read. I hear "Wicked" is coming in paperback. Maybe I need to do some shopping.

Real shoe therapy

I have a favorite pair of leather loafers that I bought years ago. The quality was so good on them, they still looked great and I often got comments on them. They are not typical loafers and are actually made by some company in Brazil. In case you were wondering why I still have these shoes, I have a thing with shoes. If I love them, I wear them until they are falling to bits around my feet. Case in point, I have a pair of black ballet flats from the late 1980s that are now back in fashion and a pair of suede knee-high boots that I bought in maybe 1990. I even learned back when I had an office job and had to dress a little nicer, that if I found a pair of shoes I loved, I would get two pairs, usually one in a different color.

I had a two day class up in Oakland this past week so I put on my favorite loafers and was off. However, I noticed as I walked they made a strange squeaking sound on the right side, probably due to some break in the arch support or something. And worse of all, the left shoe was too tight and no longer fit like it used to. Some women may understand this problem. I had a baby about 4 years ago and ever since then, some shoes just don't fit like they used to. I had already purged a favorite pair of Doc Martens sandals due to this problem, but I hadn't realized it had affected my loafers too.

So, I kept wearing them and saying to myself they will stretch a little, all leather and all. The squeak isn't all that annoying. Well, by lunch time I had a chance to walk around downtown and I realized that my left foot was killing me and I was going to need a new pair of shoes stat. I walked a couple blocks and unbelievably found a Payless Shoe Source. I found a new pair of brown shoes that were on sale. As I was paying for the shoes, the cashier must have realized my dilemma because he asked if I wanted to wear the shoes out of the store. So he removed all the tags and gave me a bag for my loafers. Minutes later and $20 later, I was putting my favorite loafers in a garbage can (sniff sniff) and wearing some new shoes that didn't squeak and didn't irritate the blister that had developed on my left foot.

I guess I am lucky I didn't stumble across a high-end shoe store. My shoe therapy may have cost me a lot more money.

My PSA for September

My PSA (public service announcement) for September is stroke awareness. Our hospital is a certified stroke center. This means our staff has been specially trained, certified and regularly audited to ensure we deliver the best in stroke care. As part of all that, we have to go through annual training. So, I had to sit through 8 hours of information on stroke and I thought I would share some basics.

Like many health problems, the earlier something is diagnosed, the better your chances for survival and recovery. Also, there are lots of things you can do to lower your risk of stroke.

Stroke can also be called a brain attack, because as in a heart attack, a stroke is when blood supply is interrupted to the brain. The blood supply can be interrupted by a clot obstructing blood flow or it can be by hemorrhage, as in a blood vessel bursting. The most common strokes are from clots.

The acronym to remember and pass along to anyone you know will help you recognize the early signs of stroke and help get you treatment faster:
F. A. S. T.

• Facial droop
• Arm drift
• Slurred speech or inability to speak
• Time is important: If the person has any of these symptoms act fast, call 911

There are several risk factors that increase your chances of having a stroke:

• High blood pressure
• Heart disease
• Smoking
• Diabetes
• High cholesterol

This means if you smoke, you should stop. Have your blood pressure checked regularly and if you have been diagnosed with high blood pressure, take your medications. Other ways to lower your blood pressure is to drop as little as 10 extra pounds and increase your aerobic exercise. Managing your diabetes helps ensure cardiovascular health. And like everyone keeps telling us, eating more fruit and veggies and less fat helps with weight management, lower cholesterol levels and a healthier heart.

For more info:

• NIH Know Stroke
• National Stroke Association

And lastly, don't be afraid to go to the hospital and find out you have nothing wrong with you. We have seen and heard from lots of stroke patients and their families. People who tried to self-diagnose and avoid coming in to the hospital, have the scariest and sometimes saddest stories. And don't try to drive yourself in if you think you are having a stroke. One guy did and ended up in an accident that injured others, including himself.

That's ok! That's alright! Shake it off! Shake it off!

I have that song "Ruby Ruby" by the Kaiser Chiefs in my head and I keep substituting the chorus of "Ruby Ruby" with "Monday, Monday." I just finished my work week, meaning I worked my 3-straight 12 hour shifts and today is the beginning of my weekend. As is typical with the start of my weekend, I tend to spend a couple hours on the internet. I don't have many insights to share today, but I thought I would post an entry to my blog anyway and see where that goes. So, let's ramble on . . .


I've been at my job for just over a year now and they have started assigning me to be the lunch and break nurse. I get nervous with that role, because it is a little like a charge nurse role and I am supposed to respond to any codes in the hospital or rapid response team calls. I spend the whole day hoping one doesn't get called. Yesterday was my second time in this role and I lucked out. I think I should be looking forward to being called because once you have been through them a few times, it'll be less scary, but getting through those first few will be intense for me. It is a bit like having stage fright. You have rehearsed the show many times and studied the entire play, but you have yet to perform it as the lead character in front of a live audience. We did have a patient that started doing poorly and it became a slow motion code...first the ventilator, then all the medications, then all the labs and of course the countless calls and conversations with family members and doctors (one doctor in particular screaming at us). It was like a 12 hour shift crammed into 3 hours and in the end, they decided to discontinue all support for the patient. What happened in those three hours was so much drama, it would almost take a novella to describe it all. Someone watching me leave that night may wonder how I was able to leave with a bounce in my step.

I chalk it up to two things. 1) I know we did a great job and never lost our cool. We respected the patient and the family, allowed them in the room as much as they wanted and assured comfort and dignity for the patient. 2) My co-worker told me a cheer her daughters learned when they used to do cheerleading: "That's OK! That's alright! Shake-it off! Shake-it off!" You actually wiggle and shake your pom-poms to the "shake-it off" part. I plan on teaching it to the daughter. It really helped to picture that cheer when the doctor was screaming and the pharmacy took nearly an hour to deliver an urgent medication.



No one has expressed interest in buying my VW yet. Of course, I haven't done too much to try to sell it other than post it on a couple of free sites and put a for sale sign in the window. Maybe we won't be saying good-bye to him after all.

Someone changed the mysterious white flower with pink ones over the weekend. The daughter was a touch upset about it, because she wanted to know what happened to the white one but she was quickly over it, as she likes pink anyway. I'll try to take a picture of the new flower and post it for you.

We bought a hot tub at a home show on Labor Day weekend. It should be delivered in about a week or so. I am eagerly anticipating sitting in there after a long day at work. I could be sitting in it right now......

The California Seasons

Many people not from California gripe that California has no seasons and that is why they don't like the state. That is fine by me, keeps more people out and maybe the real estate prices will keep coming down.

However, we do have seasons. We have the rainy-cold season (November through February). The green season after the rainy season. The golden-brown season that starts around May and lastly, the worst season of all, fire season. Yep, that period of time at the end of summer where everything is so dry from no rain for about 4 months that the grass has gone from gold to brown to what my daughter thought was sand.

We have two raging fires in areas around us and the sky looks like something out of a futuristic apocalyptic sci-fi movie. The sunsets are all hazy and the sun looks like a blurry small orange. The sunrises all are muted and the sky looks like we have fog. I am almost afraid to go outside and do any activity that requires heavy breathing. It looks like those bad smog days in Los Angeles when they warn you to stay inside.

The fire season really upsets me, because almost all of the fires are started by some idiot that was unsafe with fire or some psychotic arsonist. We don't really have thunderstorms in these areas so you can cross off lightning strikes from possible suspects for the catalyst. I know rain is months in coming and those firefighters are killing themselves to get the fire under control in all this heat and high wind. It gets me to thinking we really need to figure out how to make rain clouds. What an invention that would be, especially when fighting wildfires.

Hmm..... a rain cloud maker.....oh the possibilities.

Mid-week weekends

Yeah, it is a lazy Wednesday afternoon for me. I don't have the normal 9-5, Monday - Friday kind of job. I have "weekends" in the middle of the week. It is kind of cool, but at the same time, most of my friends don't have the same schedule so it can be a little lonely.

When I have these mid-weekends, I usually spend some time on the computer to dawdle, catch up with friends and figure out what I am going to do with my time off. I know there is the never ending list of housework and yard work and other chores. There is also the the constant studying required for my job. The gym calls me and so does a nice trip to the day spa. There are countless errands and little craft-like projects. Oh, and home projects. Sometimes the longer I sit, the longer the list gets and I get so overwhelmed, I become a couch potato and watch taped episodes of 'scrubs' or something.

Sometimes I ponder about putting together a master list of all my projects and another list of all chores and try to schedule them so there will be order to my days off and they won't be wasted. Then, I think that is way too anal and I should just focus on chores. Hard labor is always good for the waist line and the house looks better. I also then think, I really need to learn how to relax.

Hmmm, what to do, what to do??

Oh, thank you cards from the birthday party and uploading of photos. Means I can sit here on the computer a little longer and see if anyone IM's me to chat.

Speaking of photos, took this one of a tiger the other day, just before he tried to spray us. Thank goodness for the chain link fence. I think he was hungry.

I can't believe I am doing this

I am selling Inky. Who is Inky? He is a 1978 Super Beetle Convertible that I bought in 1999. Every since I was a kid, I loved the VW Bug. On old family friend, who I referred to as my Grandpa growing up, owned an used car lot near our place. I would just love to play in the VW Bugs on his lot. When I went away to college my mom sent me a care package. In that care package was a small scale model of a 1978 white convertible super beetle with a $20 bill wedged in the trunk. Later, my miniature car collection of various VW Bugs increased to about 12 that filled the shelves of my cubicle and office at work.

Then in 1999, I had some extra money and I started shopping and eventually bought Inky. He was named this by a good friend. She said it was due to his color. Sometimes I would start to call him Stinky Inky, but it was always with affection.

Since I bought him, I have learned to do some minor maintenance myself, like oil changes, points adjustment and timing belt. I think one year though, I almost reached my max on AAA free tows.

Driving the car most days is like the best anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, anti-stress drug in the world. During the day, the sun warms you and wind flows by and in the background is the purr of the engine. At night, the stars twinkle and the crips air blows around. Ah, it is wonderful. Maybe I should record that before I sell it for good.

So, why am I selling it? My practical nature is winning me over. To make this car the way I truly want it, I would have to probably spend another $5000. My practical nature just can't let me spend that kind of money on a car for restoration purposes. Maybe, if there was no college fun to worry about, or house projects on the list or retirement savings to think about....maybe I could let myself spend the money. Maybe.... Then of course, there is the issue of safety, especially since we have a young one in the family.

So with deep regret, Inky is for sale.

Tried old story lines

After a few recommendations I finally started and finished Eragon by Paolini. The book was supposedly so great that they even made a movie (I haven't seen it yet). I started the book with high hopes and found I was a little frustrated by the book at first. I felt like I had jumped right in the middle of a D&D adventure. I actually put the book away unable to get much further, but then I was home with the sick daughter yesterday and read the book as she slept or lounged on me. Then, I could not get over how much of the story was ripped from Star Wars, and then later from Lord of the Rings. For some reason though, I kept reading on.

It got me to thinking, are those story lines so universal that they show up everywhere? Are they so great that everyone wants to plagiarize them?

You think I am exaggerating about the copying from Star Wars? In Eragon, an orphaned boy is being raised by his uncle on a farm outside a small city in the middle of nowhere. The orphaned boy was delivered by his mother to the uncle and she mysteriously disappeared. The father is unknown and remains unknown throughout the first book, but believe me I am pretty sure it is one of the evil villains that will turn out to be his dad. Then, the boy finds something that the evil Empire (King of the Empire) wants and the evil empire does.... guess what? Yep, the bad guys torch his uncle's place while the boy is away and managed to kill the uncle. So, who helps the boy on his quest for revenge? An old mysterious man who is wise on many subjects, including the use of magic and starts training the boy on how to levitate rocks and sword play. Sound familiar yet???!!! The book goes on with additional similarities with the rebel force hidden away in a mountain, the evil king corrupted by dark magic, etc....

Then towards the end of the book is a long chase scene that reminds me of Lord of the Rings. In LOTR the group is trying to get to the land of elves for safety and they have to cross that magical river where the water rises up like a wall of white running horses. Yep, I am reading this book and that is what I can't stop thinking of the whole time.

Yet, somehow I was engrossed in this book. With all the cliches (there are more!), I was still on a mission to finish it last night and I think the reason why is that I am sucker for dragons and the author brought them to life for me and gave them a personality, mystery and beauty. It kind of reminded me of how I discovered the Anne McCaffrey books as a youngster at the library all those many years ago. Her books are the main reason I have the dragon tattoo on my back. It started an early fascination with dragons. Now that I think about, he copied stuff from those books as well!

My last thought on the Eragon book is that it was probably published because it is an amazing piece considering the the boy who wrote was about the same age as the character in his book, 15. That may be the main fascination for most people.

And I can't believe this, but one of my goals at the library today is to find his other book so I can read what happens next. Such a sucker!

Bored and procrastinating

I should be online taking some courses required for work, but I don't want to. Actually, I think I have a long list of things I should be doing and instead I am leaving messages on my friends' myspace pages, reading blogs, drinking coffee, browsing amazon, etc.....but not anything I should be doing.

I found this image and it makes me giggle. It goes with another thought I sometimes keep in the back of my mind, "Keep smiling, it keeps people guessing."

I kind of had a bad day at work yesterday and it happened only 4 hours into a 12 hour shift and it took me a couple hours to get my head back together after that incident. I am still upset by it and think I am just doing mindless stuff now to avoid thinking about it.

So, I took this quiz that was on Newt's page. It says I am daisy, but the family member that made my day miserable at work probably things I am some kind of crab grass.

I am a Daisy What Flower Are You?

A daisy is..."a sweet person. When a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, you are happy to offer yours with a box of tissues as well. Once in awhile, you wish you could be a little more dramatic but then sensibility sets back in and you know that you are perfect the way you are."

I should probably move on to more productive things today. Sigh.....

A portrait of Howie

The daughter was drawing a picture of one her favoritie friends, Howie the dog. He kind of looks like a rhino with skinny legs, but she was proud of it so I had her sign it. In a way, sometimes Howie is a lot like a rhino with skinny legs. I then told her I was going to feed the picture to the computer. I told her how all that noise was the computer chewing her picture. She didn't buy it. She says, "Mom, I think you are just kidding." She is getting too old to even get her to believe that a computer eats paper.

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me

At least, I can't sleep well these past two nights. I am not sure if it is the job or the book or just life in general but I can't turn my brain off at night. I have all kinds of active dreams. I wake up and can't get back to sleep. Last night I gave up around 2am and just got up and finished my book I was reading, "Circus of the Damned." I was thinking, maybe that was why I couldn't sleep because I couldn't wait to find out how it ended. I was so close to the end and it was leaving me on the edge of my seat. Nope, finished it and 4am I still can't sleep. I think I fell asleep about 5am and my alarm wakes me up at 5:30 to get to work. Man, I was so close to calling in sick due to lack of sleep.

Here's hoping I get more sleep tonight. Maybe I should read more calmer books and not ones about vampires, zombies and werewolves.......

Musical memories

I have been thinking a lot about all the memories a single song can bring out. It is amazing how much in my life is associated with music. So, I thought I would share my list. My list though is not all inclusive as my memory fades and there are just too many great musical memories.

Listening to my "Jungle Book" album soundtrack at age 7 on my little record player. "Look for the bare necessities...."

The Michael Jackson "Off the Wall" album on dad's awesome stereo system. The speakers were probably 4 feet high. It felt like Michael was in the house singing. I can still almost hear him cry as he sings "She's out of my life." I can't believe I am writing this, but CDs don't sound the same as vinyl. Vinyl is so much warmer and richer.

Discovering Grandma's old vinyl albums 78s of classical pieces by Stravinksy, Dvorak or Brahm, then using her stereo system that would play that speed. It was one of those rectangular long cabinets with sliding doors on the top, a beautiful wooden piece. The sound was amazing. I would sit down and listen to the music with a sketch pad and draw what I felt the music was describing. I overheard my dad tell my mom that I was odd. I wonder where that stereo is now?

Any song by Erasure brings up some great times with friends. One night we were driving around trying to cheer up a friend. We ended up at a dead end road in the country. We stopped the car, left it running with headlights on, Erasure blaring and had our own dance party under the stars.

Then there was the Erasure concert, when we heard this guys behind us say, "Oh my god! These guys are gay!" Yep, the band was and there music was too. I mean their music was happy-gay, not gay-gay. :)

The "Circle of Life" will always remind me of Dana. I miss her and still am saddened that she was killed so young. It took a few years before that song didn't make me cry anymore. Now, I just get some chills when I listen to it.

"Rio" by Duran Duran has many moments for me. Our silly girl band (Modern Modes) when we were like 14 or 15. Friends in college singing that song to me but substiting my name for Rio. That was a very silly night.

"Oye como va" was a song my dad would blare on his stereo until the walls and windows rattled in the house, but I LOVED playing this song in high school band at the football games. I played tenor sax and this song was just a blast to play at those games. Same goes for "Wake me up before you go-go" by Wham. It was a lot of fun for a sax player, even though the song is a bit cheesey.

"Sail away" by Enya. I remember my boyfriend (now my spouse) and I were taking my younger brother and sister somewhere and this song came on the radio. My brother thought the lyrics were "save a whale" and was singing it loudly. To this day, I laugh when I hear that song and sing in my head "save a whale, save a whale, save a whale." It is a great message, right?

"Mustang Sally" and a trip to New Orleans with my future spouse. We had a rental car and it was a burgundy mustang and I swear that song came on the radio just about everyday we drove it.

"Whole of the Moon" by The Waterboys will always remind me of my true friend that did a musical dedication for me on KFOG when I was away at college. She recorded it and mailed it to me for my birthday.

"Ghost Town" by the Specials reminds me of a road trip with two friends and a little music video we made in the middle of nowhere Texas. I think we broke the camera after making that movie, but we still have the video somewhere.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen at the 12/31/92 New Year's Party and banging our heads so much to this song that we nearly fell over from being dizzy.

Listening to Elvis Presley and Frankie Valley and the 4 Seasons on 8-track in my mom's yellow Plymouth Duster on the long roadtrip to visit Grandma every summer.

I think I could on forever and maybe do a book, but that is my list for now. Care to share your musical memory?

Why are there stoplights on the wall?

Yep, that is the latest question asked as people enter our ICU at the hospital.

There are large yellow traffic lights with the standard green, yellow and red lights on them hanging on the walls on all the nursing units at the hospital. Why? Noise detectors.

I'll be the first to agree that it is freaking noisy in the hospital, especially during shift change because there is typically double the staff and half of them are talking and giving report on their patients. It also seems that many times during this short 30 minutes is when almost every patient hits the call light and family members call to ask for updates on the patients. Also, xray technicians are roaming and doing the scheduled portable xrays of all our ventillated patients. Pharmacy is dropping medications due at 8am. It can be utter chaos during that 30 minutes.

So, management is on a kick to reduce noise and help the patient's stay be more pleasant. They are even asking us to provide ear plugs to our more alert and awake patients to help them get a better night sleep. Sounds great, right?

Well, except the first week these stop lights were in place, we actually created more noise. Every person who came through that week had to ask what was the traffic light for. We had to explain the theory about quieter units. Then we got to demonstrate how the light worked. If you make a sound loud enough, the red light comes off and emits a loud siren wail. Yep, the noise detector actually makes noise (louder and quite obnoxious) to let you know you are making noise.

Ahhhh, the irony. It made me smile a bit more that week, but now the lights are old hat and it is still noisy and the light goes yellow very often, but never really emits the red siren wail. And, some people have figured out how to adjust the noise detector so it never really goes off.

Oh, and no one knows where all the ear plugs went.

Are some people overcompensated??

I got into a discussion one day about how athletes and entertainers are paid way too much money for what they do. The person I was talking to (let's call him Frank), felt that other jobs such as firefighters, nurses or teachers should be paid more. I had to play devil's advocate with this topic just to have some fun. I gave it to him that it does seem insane that they pay someone 100s of millions of dollars to play baseball for a couple years or someone makes $10million to be in just 1 movie. I mean if someone gave me $10million to work on a project for a just a couple of months, I am not sure I could justify working again. Really, who could? Unless you start donating a LOT of money. So, I said to Frank that is what a lot of athletes and entertainers do. They do get heavy into charity work.

However, I also argued these people are paid what the market will bear. People put a high price on their team winning or on watching movies or going to concerts. If people weren't willing to pay the prices for this entertainment, then there would be no money for the salaries.

And lastly, I said to Frank (who was a retired high school principle), how many times did you come home from a stressful day at work and allowed a song, a baseball game or a movie to help you forget the bad stuff and just relax and have some fun? How many times growing up did I rely so heavily on music to get me through? I have a lot of fond memories growing up just around music. So, I don't know what kind of price you can put on that therapy, but apparently, it is pretty high.

But...don't get Frank and I started on how little writers and some artists make. I think on that one, him and I may have to agree. They can be sorely underpaid :)

Random thoughts and ponderings

Some days my job just leaves me without words, not due to exhaustion, but it's sheer ability to amaze me.

I used the word surreal alot and figured I should look it up. One definition I found and I like: "characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions; "a great concourse of phantasmagoric shadows". Umm, that does describe my job fairly well some days and the Dali picture below.

Sometimes all it takes to fix everything is to close the eyes and take a big breath and let it all out.

Why does my dog constantly bark and attempt to chase squirrels that are running along a telephone wire 30 feet up in the air across our backyard? Does he think he is going to fly there? That the squirrel is dumb enough to think he is a friendly dog and is just saying, "Hi!"?

I discovered sunscreen can expire and if you use expired suncsreen, you will tan or burn, depending on how long you are in the sun.

If you get enough freckles will they all form together to give you one big cohesive tan?

I love coffee. I love jelly bellies. However, the two together are not so good.

I love beer and chocolate and again, not together.

Speaking of which, we need beer in the house. All the beer is gone.

Random flower

My daughter LOVES to pick flowes. Adores it. One of her favorite activities. Well, on the drive to day care we noticed this flower, duct taped into a little holder on the corner of a busy street. She wanted to pick it. I told her, it would bring more joy to people if it was left there so everyone else could see it also.

We saw this flower about 3 months ago. It is still there. Is someone putting a fresh flower on a regular basis? Is is a fake flower? Isn't it odd that no one has taken it out yet? I wonder if the person who put it there sits somewhere nearby and gets a kick out of the smiles and comments?

And, just about every day the daughter gets all excited because the flower is still there. "Look, Mom! The flower is still there. No one picked it!"

It is a random flower but it brings smiles to our faces.

Like white uniforms are going to save your ass

Yeah, a smidge of profanity in that title, but nothing compared to what I was saying most of the day. Our facility is being audited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation (JCAHO). They come around and audit hospitals all the time to make sure they are up to snuff. As you can imagine, management does a great job of scaring the crap out of its employees about the audit. They don't really bother to get you more training or help so that you can actually pass the audit, just lots of scare tactics. "Oh, JCAHO is coming!" There were so many last minute communications that they started to conflict with each other. It was nuts. I decided, I would just make sure I knew our facilities policies and try to do my job as best as I could and hope for the best.

Well, our new manager seemed to think it would be great if we all wore the same color scrubs at work and if everyone would by new white shoes. That idea went over like a lead balloon. I think one brown noser on the unit bought new white shoes. However, the manager outwitted us. She bought everyone white scrubs and whoever showed up the day the audit happened, would have to go back and change.

There is no real warning on the audit and there was no warning on this required costume change. We just know that JCAHO is in the area and will probably be auditing us this month with a "surprise" inspection.

Lucky for me, it was yesterday. Announcement come on over the PA system, "We'd like to welcome the Joint Commission Auditors, etc...." The boss then comes out with the white scrubs and announces we all must change.

So many problems with this situation. Only one bathroom to change in and it is a 1 banger, meaning small with 1 toilet. The breakroom was then turned into an impromptu locker room as people franctically tried to change as I tried to eat my breakfast in there. People were wearing lots of interesting underwear which could easily be seen through these cheap, white thin scrubs. And, everyone could see my tattoo on my back ALL day. "Oh, is that a dragon!" That is how thin these scrubs were. "Oh, how cute. All in white? Are caps next?" My favorite comment from a doctor, "You guys are freaking me out. I thought I had walked into a psych ward."

But the thing that irked me the most was that our manager seemed to think that if we all did this it would somehow help us pass muster. It just seemed so staged and fake. No one wears whites anymore unless you are in nursing school. I bet if she had her way we'd be in those white caps also. I am also pretty sure, the auditors won't be distracted by a lot nurses in white scrubs.

Boy, did I curse a LOT that day under my breath. So glad I am off the next 6 days.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day wasn't a Hallmark-moment day for me. I worked the whole day and got home at 8:30pm. It is no big deal, I don't really want a big deal made out of mother's day. I guess, I don't really feel like a mom most days, eventhough I really am.

However, I had a few thoughts about being a mom today as my daughter and I enjoyed a lazy morning and later as I checked some emails.

Before kids, I always heard people saying how much kids change your life. The changes they create can't even begin to be imagined until you have one of your own. You may think you understand that phrase, but you don't, unless you have had a child.

The center of your world shifts. Your attitude shifts. Your worries and concerns change. The way you see yourself changes. Sometimes just watching your child do the simplest of things can just inspire awe in the fact that you are responsible for her being here and that starts a cycle of thought, thinking about how your mom must have felt looking at you and her mom felt about her, etc, etc. You begin to think about moms through the generations and if they didn't do what I am doing now, I wouldn't be here.

You watch your child discover new things, learn new words, apply concepts and it is fascinating to see their little brains grow and soak in everything. The simple truths that start to come out of their mouths, such as this morning when my daughter says, "Mom, you work too many days." Which was true because I had just finished working 4 straight 12 hour shifts and had seen her for all of about 4 hours in as many days. Or when at the coffe shop she comments that a particular woman has long hair and a big tummy, which was true (the woman was quite obese). Thank goodness, she hasn't learned the word "fat" yet and I hope she didn't over hear the 3 year old's observations.

And as I was discussing with another mom, when you have a child you starting seeing that you are making changes in your life to be a better person, striving to be a positive influence for them. I don't make a big deal about bad drivers with her in the car. I try to eat healthier and exercise more. I go to the library more and read to her more. You just want to be more and you want so much more for your child.

"I'm not cute....."

When I became a mom, I thought like many new moms do, that I would want her to have an even better life than me and hopefully be a better person for it. One thing I struggle with is her having strong self-confidence and self-esteem. Things I am lacking in.

Last year when Grandma was visiting she was teaching my daughter to accept compliments. Grandma would say, "You're such a pretty girl" and she wouldn't know what to say to that. Grandma said, "You say 'Thank you.' "

Yesterday I was admiring the fashion-plate that is my daughter. We got back from a long day at the beach and she decided she wanted to change clothes; Pale pink jeans, darker peachy pink long sleeve sparkly butterfly shirt with a mint green short sleeve shirt over that (It had pink and sparkly cupcakes on it so she had to have it on also, the more sparkle the better.), a pink baseball cap with more butterflies and flip-flops. I guess I should have taken a picture.

So, I say to her, "You are cute." She looks kind of shy and doesn't say anything. I said, "Didn't Grandma say you were supposed to say 'Thank you' when someone says that?"

She gets this sassy look on her face like she is going to gave me the two-snaps and a neck swivel and says, "I'm not cute. I am beautiful!"

So, what can you say to that? Self-esteem issues? I think not.

Just wanted to share some pictures

A couple weeks back we had a free Saturday as a family which is rare these days with my working every other weekend. So, the hubby and I said we needed some San Francisco time. We drove up first thing to the Pier 39 and wanderered around, looked at seals, bought some jewelry (for moi!) and had our traditional clam chowder in the sourdough bread bowl. It isn't the best chowder in the world, but for us it is about the bowl, the location and memories shared on Pier 39.

Afterwards, I took a few wrong turns following the Scenic Drive signs out of the city and ended up at China Beach. In all my years in the Bay Area, I had never been here. It was like our own personal beach. Of course the daughter had to play in the water. The pictures show it was overcast, but surprisingly, it wasn't that cold. It was a smidge muggy. Just ignore the hubby in the hat. That man is ALWAYS cold! The daughter on the other hand was down to her shirt and panties playing in the water before long.

So, enjoy the pictures. I enjoyed being there and taking them.

Thoughts on Fear

Fear can be a great motivator. It can drive you to do amazing things to survive dangerous situations or drive you to overcome obstacles in life. I also see how it can hold you back. The fear of the unknown, fear of failure and sometimes even fear of success can hold you back. It is a topic I brood upon often.

Years ago I saw the 1991 movie "Defending Your Life" on t.v. The premise is that when you die, you must defend your life to a panel of judges and prove that you lived life with courage and overcame your fears in life. If you couldn't prove this, you were sent back and reincarnated to try it all over again. It is an interesting premise and one I have thought about often since seeing the movie.

I can remember as a kid being told by my stepdad to try new things, even if the fear of it had me shaking in my boots and crying, "I don't want to!!" Over the years, I don't think most of my friends would call me fearful or timid. I try lots of new things and have taken a few calculated risks and some not so calculated. I have conquered a lot of fears, but I think there a few more to overcome. I still see a cloud of fear hanging over parts of my life.

For example, people say that we all have some inner dream we want to have fullfilled. Some will say they are living their dreams. Others will tell you what they dream about and others, like me, tend to not really say their true dreams. Why aren't people pursing their dream? Fear of failure? Fear of the risks involved? Fear of rejection from friends and family? Fear of change? I say these same fears keep people like me kind of quiet about our real dreams too.

But, how about this? If those fears are holding me back from my dream, is it really my dream? If it was really my dream, wouldn't I do what I could to achieve it?

See, I think sometimes I think too much.

Ah, for the love of books. Swoon....

As you may remember, I rediscovered one of my early loves in life, reading. As a youngster I loved art and reading so much I wasn't sure I would be an artist or an author. Funny how life turns out, but I am now neither.

However, the darkness had settled in my head over the past few days. It was bad. I remembered how much going to the gym cheered me up, so after a day of sloth and depression. I went to the gym and felt better. But what really helped me turn the corner was picking up a novel the night before. It was a novel I had picked up at the library about two weeks prior by an author a friend recommended. It was the only book I could find by her at the time in the library. It was "Stroke of Midnight" by Laurell K. Hamilton.

The book took off slowly for me because I was expecting it to be about vampires. She has written a whole series about Anita Blake Vampire Hunter. When I picked up the book at the library I was kind of distracted by my daughter so I just grabbed it thought it might make for some fun reading later. It turned out to be about faeries living in the modern world. What a crazy concept but I was suckered in and finished the book wicked fast. I was so lost in the story and the descriptions of the faerie folk. Now I am obssessed with finding the rest of the books in this series. Forget the vampire hunter stuff for now. I want more faeries!

"The ICU is like Las Vegas"

Yep, I heard that quote in a class I took last summer as part of my new hire training for the ICU. That quote is so true and I have used it with my patients and my patients' families. The quote applies really well, especially since the ad compaign came out about Las Vegas..."What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." I think about that quote quite often.

Why is the ICU like Las Vegas? There are lots of bright flashing lights. The action never stops, even at night. Actually, the action seems to increase at night. Like a Vegas a casino, the ICU is so disorienting and confusing (as a patient and visitor), you can't quite remember how to find the exit door. And lastly, what happens in the ICU stays in the ICU and many times as patient you will come away and not be able to remember your stay at all. However, unlike Vegas, your odds are better in the ICU. You have an approximate 75% chance of living. In Vegas, the odds of winning anything are MUCH lower. I could go on and list even more ways they are similiar, but I think most would agree they would enjoy their stay in Vegas more than a stay in the ICU. I know I'd prefer to be outside and living life almost anywhere versus being sick enough to be in ICU bed.

However, this little story has helped a few patients and their families when they are being confronted with such a severe illness, especially if this is their first hospitalization. Recently I used part of this analogy for a patient to explain how it works in the ICU and not be embarassed by anything in here and not to worry about putting us nurses out for doing things for him. I told him, staying here is like that ad from Vegas, "What happens in the ICU stays in the ICU." It helped him smile and get over the uncomfortable feelings of being sick and needing help to do the basics in life.

That quote sometimes help me smile about the craziness I see in my job. Sometimes, it is a very good thing that the things that happen in the ICU stay there. That being said, I think I am ready for a trip to Vegas. Those indoor gardens at the Bellagio were beautiful.

To Gym or Not to Gym

I recenly joined a gym because the husband was finally interested and we are a dual income family again. Also, my new job has a discount plan with a local gym and the daughter loved the kid zone in there.

So the other day I was soooooooooooo tired that I figured I would just lay down somewhere warm all day and do nothing. Of course, I know if I do that I will feel guilt for days afterwards over the wasted time and ALL the things I SHOULD have done and NEED to be done. It really is a vicious mental cycle I put myself through. I realized the mental guilt fest was starting and found whatever energy I could muster to go to that gym.

I found one last eliptical trainer not being used. I got on and in a half tired daze just starting moving. 10 minutes and I am still doing this so I start increasing the intensity. 20 minutes and I am starting to be amazed at myself for evening getting passed 10 minutes. 30 minutes and I thought I need to save some energy for the weight training.

So, I start working the muscles and realize how awesome it is to feel the strain of your muscles to lift heavy objects. In some strange way it is a release for me. I feel my strength. I am aware of how healthy I feel. I complete weight training and on to cool down.

I stretch out like a cat and enjoy the feeling of my muscles being pulled to new limits. A slow warm pain, but a good pain. When I release a stretch, my body says "Ah, that was perfect. Maybe one more?"

Then I head for the locker room to prepare for the reward that this whole workout has led to. . . a in the hot tub and some time in the dry sauna. Ahhhh, wonderful heat, forcing out the sweat and bad feelings in the body and my head. I love the sensation in the dry sauna of the water from the hot tub evaporating at the same time you are sweating.

Afterwards, I my face is red, hair is wet but I am happy. To gym today was a great thing.

Cool stuff in Blogland

I was reading one of the nursing magazines that now show up at my door now. I only pay for one from the AACN, but suddenly I am getting lots of other free ones too. They say, "Act soon. Your subscription is running out" or "This is the last one, we mean it" and yet they keep coming. Anywho, I digress.

The article was about a blog from an ER nurse in the SF Bay Area. Her blog (emergiblog) was getting so much attention she was winning awards and had to change the site to a different server to handle the traffic and interest. So, I checked it out. She had a post there, "I code dead people" that touched a real nerve with me . I have ranted the same thing with my co-workers and sometimes with my friends and poor husband. ( I fear some day he may tire of the hospital stories).

Then, I noticed that there was this long list of other nurses who also blog. I spent the next hour reading nurses blog and ran across a few that nearly fit my profile...the high tech reject that made a mid-career-life change and started nursing. Wow, the people you find in blog land. It almost has me singing, "It's a small world...."

Blogland can really suck up a lot of time from your day.

When did it happen!?!?!

I had a birthday recently and I have been wrapped up in memories. I find myself amazed at how time moves so fast. I don't feel as old as the years say. Sometimes I still feel like the 20-something who just finished college, single and just starting to make it in a career. Gosh, what happened to the years?!!?

I am falling asleep by 10pm. Waking up at 5:30am. I have a marriage, a mortgage, a daughter, 401(k) and constantly catch myself in conversations about retirement, potty training, public education and what happened on the Disney Channel today. The student loans are paid. Cars are paid off. I can't remember the last time I went to a happy hour or a night out dancing. I see wrinkles around the eyes and kinky grey hairs popping out of the top of my head.

I also realize that I have known some of my friends for 23 and 24 years now. That is a long time. Lots of people don't even stay married that long. Weren't those friends and I just dancing in the middle of the night to Erasure, Depeche Mode, OMD or New Order?!? We sit around and talk about how concert tickets are so expensive now and remember when you could see "Day on the Green" with the Pretenders and U2 for around $20?!? We talk about how all kinds of things are so expensive now. Some movies are now going straight to DVD and skipping VHS. No one goes to record stores anymore. We download from online stores. Thus, the closing of Tower Records.

My husband and I realized for the first time that we had seen all three of the animated films nominated for Oscar this year, but none of the movies up for Best Picture. He did although see "The Departed" while I was at the Doodlebops concert.



Then we look around and realize we sound like our parents! When did that happen?


Wow....what happened. And why am I so tired all the time??!

A matter of perspective

I had a couple of weekdays off and the plan was to finally take the Ford minivan in for an oil change and fix a quirky electrical problem. The place I take the cars to is a little over a mile from our house, so I usually drop the car off and walk home and walk back to get it.

On this day, I called my husband to see where he was in the drive home. I asked him if he could pick up the daughter at daycare. It was getting late and the car still wasn't done. He agreed and said no problem.

The phone rings at 4:25pm. It is the husband. He is stranded at daycare. The car's serpentine belt was shredded. He said he was going to get it towed to our mechanic and by the way, his cell phone battery is low.

Great! I am pissed. Another car bill. Who knows what this will cost. I call the mechanic to ask when the minivan will be ready for pick up. They say it has been done. (Gee, thanks for the call fellas!!) I tell them our Chevy Lumina is coming in next. I call the husband and tell him I will start walking over to the mechanic's and meet him there.

I am stewing. My mind is racing around lots of angry frustrated thoughts. Can the daughter ride in a tow truck with the car seat? How much will the minivan repairs be? The Lumina's? How long will it take to fix? I hate owning these lame American used cars. We should really look into buying a new car, etc, etc. My mind is doing this all the way to the shop.

The van is ready. $200 in repairs. Now, I sit and wait as the car seat will work in the tow truck. I then start doing some math. Overall, it is cheaper to own and repair an used car versus buying a brand new one. We have no payments now. We may spend $1000 or so for all three used cars in maintenance a year, although it is higher some years than others. One year I think we approached $5000. Still, cheaper. Did I mention my mind was racing.

Then, the tow truck arrives. I see the daughter sitting up in the cab with a huge grin and waving with excitement. When the truck stops, she runs out and over to me screaming all the way, "Mommy! I rode in a yellow tow-mater!!!" (A reference to the move "Cars")

This was an exciting adventure to her. One she will go on to talk about for days. I see that reaction and can't do anything but smile. It'll be ok. They are just cars. It is just money. At least we have both. And how often do you get to ride in a yellow tow-mater. Yep, it is all a matter of perspective.

I can read again!!

It is a bit of a joke amongst my friends that I don't read anymore. It's true.

Back in the day, I was always reading some novel. All kinds of books. I even had a job in college at the library where I read even more books. I just loved to read from a young age. I remember trying to read everything by Roald Dahl in the 3rd grade. I was reading Tolkien in 5th grade. I was always at the library looking for some new interesting book. I was on a quest at one point to read every book that won the Newberry Award. I loved the world that opened up to you in books. I used to write down quotes from books on scraps of paper, on my notebooks or in old journals. At one point, I thought I was going to be a writer when I grew up.

The past few years though, I just stopped reading for fun. I was reading for school. I was reading for work. I was writing user manuals for work and papers for school. I was reading trade magazines and books on writing in java script. Next I was reading books on anatomy and microbiology. Next thing I know, I am with friends talking about all the books they are reading and the movies coming out based on these books and I said outloud, "I am illiterate. I don't read anymore." It got a few laughs and it came to be my thing with my friends. Two years ago, one of my friends loaned me "The Da Vinci Code" ( they were thinking it might get me on track to read again) and I managed to read that. It was a fast, easy read. It was a weak, lackluster writing style, but the story was fast paced and interesting so I finished, but nothing since then.

Last week on a whim I picked up two novels at the library. I have been introducing my kid to the fun of going to the library, browsing through books and bringing one home. I was beginning to enjoy children's books. There are so many interesting stories and you can read them in 5 minutes. My husband came this time so I had a few extra minutes to browse by myself. I picked up, "The five people you meet in heaven" by Mitch Albom. I finished it last night! I enjoyed the imagery. I closed my eyes once in awhile to savor a few passages. It was wonderful.

The book made me happy in two ways. One, it showed me reading is fun again. A book could touch you and take you places. Two, it presented some wonderful thoughts about life and death. One of my favorite passages from the book is: "Lost love is still love . . . It takes a different form, that's all . . . Memory becomes your partner. You nuture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn't."

I immediately picked up my next little fun read from the library called, "Clemency Pogue: Fairy Killer" by JT Petty. Already loving it. I can see the places the book describes and feel the textures. I am hooked.

I can read again!!!

I am beginning to understand

When I tell people I work as an ICU nurse, many think I am crazy or amazed at how I am able to work in that kind of environment. I didn't fully understand their responses until this past week. I would say, "Yeah, it is a bit stressful, but it isn't that bad. I like it so far." That was the old "ignorance is bliss me" talking.

Simply said, most people in the ICU are VERY sick. Sick, like teetering on the brink of death or already with one foot over the edge. As Dr Dorian on "scrubs" said, "So many people die in the ICU you begin to think Death is your co-worker." These last few months as I was being trained to work the unit, that concept really wasn't sinking in. I never participated in a "code blue" drill. I had seen some people die, but I knew they had fought the long hard battle and were done and it was probably their time. It was a peaceful death for someone, a welcomed release from the mortal coils. For the most part though, I saw people live and the work I did seemed beneficial.

However, I saw first hand this past week that anyone can go at any given moment. Someone you would least expect. I had two patients. One, talking to me all day. His family talking to me. Everything stable. The other patient, she was dying from lung cancer and the family decided to withdraw all support and just keep her comfortable until she died. She was taken off a ventillator and wasn't expected to last 30 minutes. Almost 9 hours later she was still alive, not responsive, resting calmly, but still breathing. However, my other patient was dead. It happened in an instant. He was talking to me one moment and the next, I had to call a "code blue". We did chest compressions, gave medications, shocked him, tried to get him to breath, to respond, anything. 45 minutes later, the doctors called a time a death.

I heard the wife scream in agony in the waiting room after the doctor told them. After I restored some sense of calmness to the patient's room and cleared away the signs of the chaos, I ushered the crying family members into the room to see him. I offered hugs, tissue and water and tried not to cry with them. I briefly explained what had happened, but all I could think was "I am so sorry."

All my co-workers give me this knowing look as they realize it was my first real "code" and they tell me it will be ok, but I said, "It is not ok." I think about the loss this will be for the family. It just saddened me and it didn't feel ok at all. I get to go home now and be with my family and this family now has to deal with funeral arrangements and decisions on whether there should be an autopsy.

But, a few days later I am feeling a little better. I talked to some friends and a mentor. The other concept I am beginning to fully understand is that we all die sometime. Immortality is unnatural. We just do the best we can with the time we have and try not to worry about when our time will end. My job is to do my best for the patient and realizing that sometimes, the best will no stop death from coming.

What is a meme?

So, as mentioned before, I am new to blogging and was reading a friend's blog that had an "ABC meme." It looked like a fun writing exercise and so here is my version of it. I hope I am not going against blogger etiquette for using someone's meme but based on the article I found on wikipedia I think we are supposed to copy and continue them on. I got it from Newt's Muse


The Letter A
Are you agnostic? I dunno maybe? Isn't that the definition of agnostic?Someone sitting on the fence about the existence of God or some higher being? I do not believe in the god described in man's religions. If something like God does exist, it has been completely corrupted by the writings of mankind.

What is your age? Too old to be trusted by people under 30, but not quite old enough for "Murder She Wrote"

What annoys you? People with bad cell phone habits and etiquette

The Letter B
Do you like bacon? In extreme moderation. I think I eat it less than 5 times a year

When is your birthday? February

Who is your best friend? Married him, but before him, she knows who she is :)

The Letter C
What is your favorite candy? I haven't met very many candies I don't like, but just about any chocolate candy works for me and Jelly Belly jelly beans.

Who is your crush? Dr Cox on "scrubs", the new James Bond and the new SuperMan., Kurt Russell, Brendan Fraser. Actually, I am thinking of the people on "my list."

When was the last time you cried? When I wrote my last blog

The Letter D
Do you daydream? Yes, rarely. Usually too busy.

What is your favorite kind of dog? I like just about all dogs, but for a dog I can bring home, I prefer a rescue pup or pound puppy. I'm a mutt and I prefer a mutt.

What day of the week is it? Sunday, but I started this a couple days ago.

The Letter E
How do you like your eggs? Scrambled with soyrizo.

Have you ever been in the emergency room? Yes, as an intern EMT and as a patient ages ago. I walk thru one every day on my way to work.

What’s the easiest thing to ever do? Say "yes"

The Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane? Yes, along with millions of others. Nothing special there. Now, ask me I have jumped out of a plane. Yes!!

Do you use fly swatters? We have no flies. I am not sure they sell them here.

Have you ever used a foghorn? Nope, but I wish I had one on my VW

Letter G
Do you chew gum? Hell yeah! I'm chewing some now. My husband and daughter are now hooked. We prefer the sugar-free varieties., currently it is Altoids Cinnamon and the white flavor :)

Are you a giver or taker? I am a mom. I giveth and I taketh away.

The Letter H
How are you? Just peachy

What’s your height? Shorter than a 20 ' lime tree, but taller than a 5' dwarf lemon tree.

What color is your hair? Clairol Auburn, if I remember correctly

The Letter I
What is your favorite ice-cream? Haagan Daas Dulce de Leche and Birthday Cake Remix at Coldstone

Have you ever ice-skated? Yes. Last time was in the front yard of an in-laws in St Paul MN in February.

Do you play an instrument? Yes, I can play a tenor sax, clarinet, alto and soprano recorder and last year I took some beginning piano classes

The Letter J
What is your favorite jelly bean? Hmmm... all of them except the Harry Potter flavors and Jalapeno

Do you wear jewelry? Duh! I am girl.

Have you heard a really hilarious joke? Oh yeah, everytime the freakin' president has a press conference. However, that is a very painful joke most of the time.

The Letter K
Who do you want to kill? Uh, no one. Who would ever honestly answer this question? Like killing someone ever solved anything.

Do you want kids? Life answered that question for me. I have one.

Where did you have kindergarten? I didn't go. My school district was full, so I stayed home for kindergarten and just went to 1st grade when I was 6.

The Letter L
Are you laid-back? Depends on my mood and situation, but I do worry a lot, internally.

Do you lie? Occasionally, but typically I am too blunt, candid and honest to a painful point

Do you love anyone? Yep, a few people come to mind

The Letter M
What is your favorite movie? I have asked myself and husband this question and I have narrowed it down to 10 movies I would want with me on a desert island. Raiders of the Lost Ark is #1 on that list.

Do you still watch Disney movies? Yes, I have a 3 year old wanna-be princess in the house.

Do you like mangos? Yes..mango ice cream, fresh mango, mango salsa, dried mango.....

The Letter N
Do you have a nickname? Norm. It is from high school and no one has really come up with a more clever one since then. It was a reference to the TV show "Cheers."

What is your favorite number? 3 and my favorite age was 25.

Do you prefer night or day? Probably night. It is quieter. I love a starry warm night driving with the convertible top down.

The Letter O
What is your one wish? Good health for my friends and family and then world peace

Are you an only child? No, I have 1 and maybe 2 step-brothers (depends on the laws of marriages, etc). 3 Half-brothers (2 I have never met). 1 half-sister. Oh, and due to a recent' re-marry by my mom, I also have 2 other step-brothers and a step-sister.

Do you wish this year was over? No, it just started and too much to enjoy and look forward to

The Letter P
What is one fear that you are most paranoid about? Husband dying in a car crash driving home from work.

What personality trait would you look for in someone you wanted to date? Sense of humor and loads of patience and lucky me found both in my guy!!

The Letter Q
Are you quick to judge people? Yes, but I am quick to change my mind with more conclusive data comes in.

The Letter R
Do you think you are always right? Nope, but I do hate being wrong

Do you watch reality T.V.? Yes, my husband hooked me on "Survior", which is more like a game show. It definitely isn't "real".

What is a good reason to cry? To release pent up emoti0ns

The Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain? I love the sun, but there is nothing like a wonderful winter rain in February or a foggy day anytime of the year.

Do you like snow? It is fabulous to visit, but wouldn't want to live in it.

The Letter T
What time is it? 5:58 PM

What time did you wake up? 7:30-ish a.m.

When was the last time you slept in a tent? Last summer

The Letter U
Are you wearing underwear? Always. 100% cotton is the only way to go.

The Letter V
What is the worst veggie? cauliflower

Where do you want to go on vacation? Spain

What was your last family vacation together? Disneyland last November

The Letter W
What is your worst habit? Over eating

Where do you live? Northern California

The Letter X
Have you ever had an X-ray? Yes, but I think X-ray vision would be cooler.

Have you ever seen the X-Games? Yeah, they were in San Francisco once when I saw them.

Do you own a xylophone? It is a toy one shaped like an aligator that can be dragged around by a toddler. I can play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on it.

The Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow? Not particularly, but I love safety yellow on a car . . . less likely to be missed. Due to fear above, I want my husband's next car to be safety yellow.

What year were you born in? In the Age of Aquarius

What do you yearn for most? Inner peace and smaller waistband.

The Letter Z
What is your Zodiac Sign? Aquarius

Do you believe in the Zodiac? Nope, but it is amusing to read horoscopes and talk about who you soulmate would be according to the stars. Can't be any less accurate than those lame psychology personality tests.

What is your favorite zoo animal? Gorillas. I think they are so sad and fascinating to watch in the zoo. Would a human be that calm stuck in a pen at the zoo? And their eyes....very deep, dark eyes.

Whew! That only took a couple days to finish.