My latest happy thing

I have been on the look-out for a good laugh outloud comedy for quite some time, but I just don't watch a lot of tv. I need comedy. Need the laugh. So, the other day on a whim, I saw that this sitcom, "Scrubs" was playing re-runs on the Comedy Channel. I set it up to record on my Dish DVR (aka TiVo knock-off) and I have been laughing ever since. Oh my goodness, what an outrageously silly and funny show, but also at times so full of touching truth. I can't believe it took me 3 years (or is it 4 that the show has been out) to finally watch it.

So, it has me laughing and I am hooked. Maybe it isn't my latest happy thing...I think it is more like my latest addiction. I've watched it 3 days in a row which makes that 12 episodes from Comedy Channel. I was so disappointed to see it won't be on the next two days!! At this rate though, I could be caught up to the latest season in another week or so.

In the meantime, I think I need a Dr Cox poster for my room or something so I can gave him a fake kiss on the lips or slap on the ass everyday (maybe both!). Aw, sweet Dr Cox with his crazy facial expressions and long, LONG rants. My hero. Swoon.

A pet peeve lately

Oh, in the old days I had so many pet peeves, I practically had a zoo, a menagerie. So many little things to tick me off. I have mellowed though and my list is shorter. I rant less often. However, I caught myself ranting lately about this inane little quote that I see tagged on those humorous emails. You know, the emails that have all these cute life lessons in them or the fun reason why chocolate should be considered a health food or why beer is good for you (I think it is, isn't it??), etc. Then at the end of the email is that quote about how I rather end up sliding into my grave, partied out versus old and well preserved. I am summarizing the quote since I don't have it memorized and I typically delete it after it illicits a wry little smile from me.

Why does it bother me? I guess it is a by-product of the new job. I see lots of people who lived their life vicariously and end up in the ICU regretting it or so comatose they can't regret it and in the worse of cases, they lived their lives so wild and crazy they are sick beyond recovery and no one is left in their life to have any regrets for them (except for me, I suppose). I read that quote and I think the person dying in this hospital bed obviously felt the same way at some point. That they were living life to the fullest when in fact they were just killing themselves with overindulgences. I see them there in the bed and I am thinking they are full of regret, pain and loneliness and not one of them saw their lives becoming so drastically altered, at 41 or 49 and sometimes a very young 21 or 25 year old.

I think the majority of people wished they could live to that quote, but only a few really do, fortunately. I'd like to live according to a more moderate life philosophy. One, where you do things in moderation, not excess or deprivation. Life is meant to be enjoyed, but you should also cherish it. It is a fragile thing. Truly fragile.

Basically, far too many times we all take our health for granted. How many times has someone asked if you could have anything in the world? Did you say, "Good health and the ability to die in my sleep at the ripe old happy age of 100."? Nah, most of you would say, "I'd like to win the lotto" or "Write the Great American Novel". However, it would be hard to do or enjoy either without some decent health to get you there.

Yeah, I suppose I am in a dark ranting mood today. Best I should shuffle off to go listen to my old "Smiths" cassette tapes....if I could only find a tape player.......

Shout it out loud

I love music. Nothing special about that. Lots of people love music. Every once in awhile I hear a song that really strikes an emotional chord with me. Recently, it is a new song from Amos Lee. Everytime my local radio station (kfog.com) plays it I have turn the volume to 10 and sometimes, shout it out with Lee.

It reminds me of my old office job and why I chose my new career. However, music and poetry are so similiar, in that each song and poem can mean many things to many people. Here are the lyrics. Maybe it will mean nothing to you or something altogether different.

"Shout Out Loud"

A thousand empty windows

And only half the lights are out

I wonder what these people's lives

What they might be all about

Do they got a lover

And could they have a family

Could it be they're just as lonesome

As you and me

I wanna shout out

Shout out loud

Why don't you all

Just come on out

And we can

Tear it all down, yeah

White lights burning

Down an empty avenue

I wonder if their driver

Found someone he can go on home to

I wanna shout out

Shout out loud

Why don't you all

Just come on out

And we can

Tear it all down, yeah

Cause everybody's got a part in the game

And everybody's got a cross they can claim

And everybody's got somebody to blame

But we all must find our own way, yeah yeah

I wanna shout out

Shout out loud

You can listen to his song at http://www.amoslee.com/music.php

PS: "I wish I was a punk rocker" by Sandi Thom TOTALLY ROCKS!!! Makes me wish my stereo went to 11 on the volume dial. http://www.sandithom.com/site/audio.php

A Red-Letter Day

I developed this habit a few years ago of marking a red X on my calendar at work to designate a good day. I disliked my job so much back then, I started to try and accentuate the positive. Everytime I got a little down about the current day, I could look on my calendar for a red letter and remember the reason(s) I put it there and feel a littler better.

So, in keeping with that, I would like to share my wonderful red-letter day this past Sunday with my daughter. It was one those rewarding, rare moments you need to document to make up for the HOURS of torture and hard work that child-raising can be. Our daughter is a strong, free-spirited, must-be-the-lead-dog kind of child. She is only 3 and we are always butting heads on just the basics of the everyday....like washing hands after going to the bathroom, saying "please", getting dressed, don't run off in the mall ... the list is endless! However, from what I hear, this is common of all 3 year olds.

Back to that red-letter day. She woke up in a wonderful mood. We were going to spend the day putting up the Christmas decorations. She said her pleases with no queenly proclamations such as, "I am thirsty!" She picked out clothes to wear that were actually appropriate for the weather and matched. She dressed herself. She announced that she washed her hands after going potty (and she wasn't lying about it). She combed her hair all by herself. She was grinning with pride at all these accomplishments. I heaped on the praise for all the jobs well-done. She says, "Mommy, you are not made, are you?" I said, "Nope. You are being such a big girl today." It was so pleasant, practically perfect.

Christmas music was playing and she loved it. The decorations were going up (only a few minor curses from the husband dealing with lights blowing fuses). The sun was shining on a crisp day. Ahhh, just a brilliant red-letter day. (Can you see me smiling?)

Then, later that night as we sat in the living room admiring our Christmas decorations, I jokingly asked, "So, do you think we have enough decorations up?" My husband said, "You mean we actually have some left?" (Of course not, silly!) Our daughter puts her finger to her chin and says, "No. We still need pink presents." (Pink is her fav color and her grandparents said they are sending her "pink presents" for Christmas).

I'll be smiling over this day for quite awhile.

PS: Out of curiousity I wanted to know where the expression "red letter day" comes from and found this site: http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Article1391.html

People watching

I'm a people watcher. I find it amusing to see the impractical shoes people where to the airport or amusement park. Nothing like trying to lug about 100lbs of luggage around wearing a pair of high heels or run through a large airport to catch your connection the same silly shoes. It is also interesting to notice how oblivious people can be to being watched. Sometimes I feel like Jane Goodall, observing my fellow humans in their natural environments and they seem to not even notice me. It's good cheap entertainment. You can see underwear adjustments, nose picking, trips, spills, creative clothing selections, and so on.

Sometimes, the entertainment can become info-tainment and you learn something. Like, the other day standing in line at the grocery store. Myself and several other people watchers had shocked and upset facial expressions as we heard a father berate his young child. She may have been 7, but the tone in his voice and the things he said, were just downright ugly, mean and wrong to say to anyone at any age. So, I looked at my cheeky 3 yr old driving us nuts today and made a mental note to self, to not do that to her, anywhere at anytime. Even if she was (she really was) laying on the floor of the store, rubbing her belly saying she was tired and wanting to go home. We refrained from berating her, realizing she was not in anyone's way at the moment and not screaming. We'd give her a bath when once we were home and honestly, it was downright silly and amusing. It was hard not to laugh. I am guessing at least one other fellow people watcher was enjoying her antics too.

Anywho, people watching is fun and sometimes educational. Don't you agree?

Contemplations on Death

I am new ICU nurse, straight from nursing school to one of the toughest areas of nursing. ICU has some of the sickest patients, many in an acute crisis. Sometimes we help save a life. Sometimes, we witness the end of a life. Today, I witnessed first hand my first end of life.

I have had patients that were fatally ill that died after I had them on other shifts, but never has one I cared for died on my watch. It made me contemplative.

At first, there was the made flurry of medications, interventions and calls to doctors as we tried to save a life that was slipping. It was so chaotic. Everything must be documented. Label IV lines flowing into the patient. Double-check medication doses. Check vital signs and titrate the medications even more. Before you know it, there are 6 medications flowing into the patient. Many of the medications are starting to sound the same so I was triple checking myself. Xrays and ultrasounds had been done. I was using a doppler to find pulses as the patient slipped deeper into shock. Calls were made to the family. Meanwhile, my other patient needs me. Oh, and have I documented everything yet?

It became obvious within 2 hours hours that nothing was going to save her today. We still kept doing all the tasks, but eventually the family also came to the same understanding and decided to stop it all. The patient was removed from the ventillator. The medications were stopped, except the one for pain. That one, we increased the dosage. Within in minutes, the patient had no readble EKG, aka she was in asystole. She continued to breathe, in a strange gasping, slow motion manner. We couldn't feel a pulse, but there must have been a small, thready, weak beat from her heart. Eventually, even all that faded away. Quietly. So, quiet.

That is when it hit me. Up until those last 15 minutes, everything had been so ugly, so fast, so tense, painful and then suddenly it was peaceful. Quiet. The patient looked so relaxed. Almost relieved. Later, as we worked with the funeral home to transport her body, I looked at her hands and her face and thought about the long life she held. The children she raised. The things she did with those hands. I thought about what a privilege it was for me to be with her now and take care of her at the end of her life. Such an awesome privilege. I treated her with respect, talked to the family, and still managed to take care of my other patient.

I wondered if I was numb. Why wasn't I affected like this woman's family that was sobbing....losing their mother the day before Thanksgiving, only days before her 86th birthday? I was thinking about how the next couple of holidays would be tough on them as they remembered her passing. Then, I came back to my work and realized this wasn't personally happening to me. It was happening to them. I had the privilege of helping them through today and helping their mother have some dignity on her last day.

On a slightly odd note, just before we took the patient off the ventillator, I was asked to open the window near her room. I did it without thinking, because I didn't have time to wonder why. I found out why later. Our staff is superstitious. They feel the open window lets the soul escape. I was told "It lets them out of the unit." Who knew all these experienced, intelligent nurses could be so superstitious? :)

Welcome

People have always commented about me getting up on my soapbox to rant about something. Well, over the years I have mellowed a smidge and I think I lost my soapbox. Maybe I can find my soapbox again and express some random ramblings about life and somethings that approximate life. I hear that is what blogging is all about.