Life . . . it is a full time gig

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T08:33:00.000-08:00

I got home from work last night (Yes, I worked in an ICU on Friday the 13th and it wasn't that unlucky. Just a typical day.) and was surprised by the loot in my daughter's bag. She is in kindergarten and they had a party for Valentine's Day in class on Friday. One kid actually had these special Lego boxes that had a Lego rose inside made from about 30 Lego blocks. The box could then be taken to a Lego store to get more Legos for free. My husband and I couldn't even begin to fathom how much a gift like that would cost for 17 kids! Then, there was all the candy, pencils, etc. I sent her to school with Valentine's Day cards that came with little tattoos. I am wondering what happened to the days where you just got a card and maybe one of those chalky candy hearts that had some silly comment on love.

Anywho, I woke up this morning and made pink chocolate chip pancakes in heart shapes for my family. The daughter then was all concerned about the color and if that would it taste funny and so on. Her brain is just growing in leaps in bounds, I tells ya. I enjoyed my coffee in a new mug made by the daughter for Valentine's Day.

Lastly, I took the this picture with my cell phone on Valentine's Day a couple years ago. It is still one of my favorites. Smooch!!!

History in the making

2009-01-31T22:40:00.000-08:00

I never did comment on the election this past year even though it was in my thoughts often. What an amazing day. I never thought, especially after the incidents on 9/11, that a black man with the last name of "Obama" would be elected as president. I didn't think Americans had it in them to look past the name and the race and pick a candidate like him. I was pleasantly stunned by the open-mindedness the election showed me still exists in the populace. It really has given me a smidge of hope for the future.

We used these events to have some great discussions with the daughter as Dad watched all the debates and we talked about what it meant to vote. The daughter and I even watched some of the inauguration day coverage in Starbuck's while she sipped her hot cocoa. It is funny, I am not sure some kids understand some the importance of this election because they are sort of color blind. After talking to my daughter, she makes it seem like skin color is just another characteristic of a person like hair color and so on. She sees it as something that makes all look different from one another, but she doesn't see all the history and baggage and discrimination associated with it.... yet. It became clear when we were talking about Martin Luther King Jr, (someone they were talking about in her kindergarten class). She was truly perplexed that he was shot because someone didn't like what he was saying. She just couldn't get her head around that one. She was wondering why they just couldn't ignore him, or walk away or just wait their turn to talk. Some days, I swear her brain has grown a couple more millimeters and I can almost hear those neuron pathways being built.

If only more people thought like that, we might be a more peaceful society.

Based on talking to her more and more, I don't see her dealing with racial problems, but more of gender problems. The gender differences are rearing their heads in kindergarten, but not people's ethnic backgrounds.

Anywho, enough rambling for now. I have to go spend some time on facebook next. :)

It has been a busy month

2008-12-28T23:18:00.000-08:00

I can't believe how fast the time is flying these past few weeks. I had to blow off another book club meeting and was unable to even get past chapter 3 of the book, 'The Painter from Shanghai". I loved the book from the first paragraph, but I was too busy to stay focused on a book. I've been crafting and prepping for the holidays, spending time with friends and family and working. However, I thought I would share one quick story and some pictures. The forest picture was taken about 10 miles from our house where we hunted and cut down our own Christmas tree.

My daughter was the victim of some teasing at school and was told by the "mean boys" that she was bad and that Santa wasn't going to bring her anything for Christmas. She believed them, but not her parents. Then, she received a letter in the mail from Santa Claus. She began to believe that he would visit. She was sad again when she said, "Santa isn't going to visit me because I don't need anything from him." I was proud of this. She realized she had had everything she needed, but on the other hand I wanted to cheer her up. "Maybe he'll bring something you haven't thought of and surprise you." She liked that idea alot, but as the month progressed she decided she wanted a train from Santa. She drew a picture and wanted to mail it to Santa. She based the picture on one of her favorite books about Tootle the Train. So, Santa delivered an electric train fully installed under the tree for Christmas morning. She loved it and squealed, etc. She was happy Santa ate the cookies she had made and that Rudolph ate the apple she left for him. Then....a couple days later she was in the bathtub lost in deep thought. She then says to me, "How come Santa didn't bring me a wooden train set?" Ah, guess she'll have to learn to be more specific next time.

Road Trip!!!

2008-11-30T14:07:00.000-08:00

Yep, we finally did a roadtrip. Due to a scheduling error in my favor, I ended up with a 5-day weekend. Of course, that meant I had to work the whole Thanksgiving holiday weekend. We loaded up the car and headed north to Mendocino, Fort Bragg and Humboldt Redwoods State Park and down through Napa Valley. The scenery was fantastic. The wine country is just gorgeous in Fall. The daughter struggled with the concept of where we were going and what a roadtrip was all about, but she started to get the hang of it by the last day.

We drove through a redwood tree, walked the streets of Mendocina, went to a Pygmy Forest, and saw Glass Beach in Fort Bragg. I love exploring on roadtrips.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

I was able to help at the daughter's school this morning for the Halloween festivities and it was a blast. She was so excited, she was up at 6 a.m. bouncing around the house yelling 'It's Halloween!!." And, we have creepy, blustery Fall weather with leaves blowing around everywhere. We hope you have a great day. I've included some October pictures for your enjoyment. One includes a shot of my latest 'thing.' :)

"Hurly burly"

Loving the foggy Fall morning

2008-10-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

Oh, thank the goddess. Foggy Fall weather has arrived with chilly mornings and the strong possibility of rain this weekend. I took the dog for the morning walk and I just loved taking in big breaths of that wet, cool foggy air. Everything seems so hushed and muffled. Things are in a grey haze more than 2 blocks ahead. Mmmm. Loving it!

Of course, some trick-or-treaters and a certain soccer girl may be getting a bit wet, but it is about time we got some moisture around here.

Hooray!

Oohh, and my new toy arrived today from Hong Kong. Pictures to follow. What a happy day!

In God We Trust?

2008-10-27T16:59:00.000-07:00

Over the last few years, it seems like the Christian-based religious groups in this country are gaining too much power. It really raises the hackles of my strict Constitutionalism beliefs. People came to this country for freedom. Freedom from oppressive regimes, from religious persecution, poverty, etc. The founding fathers made sure that our rights would be guaranteed in the Bill of Rights and the Constitution. They explained how there should be a separation of Church and State. I love that history. I love our roots. People come to our country now because of that, claiming asylum from persecution from another country and we take them in.

What I fear though is that we maybe slowly slipping into more of a religious state as the religious groups gain more political power and have their views legislated, placed in state constitutions and sometimes brought to the Supreme Court.

The latest thing to really get my goat is Proposition 8 in California. It is a proposition to add an amendment to the state's constitution that defines marriage as only between a man and a woman, thus negating all the same-sex marriages performed in this state. If you listen to the people for this proposition, they are essentially arguing for the state constitution to back-up their religious beliefs. I do respect their religious beliefs, but I have a HUGE problem with them wanting the government to support their beliefs and make them law. It is just another step closer to a religious state. The part that really makes me even more upset, is that legislation like this has been passed already in 29 of our other states! Don't people realize what this is doing? We are legislating religion into our government and limiting the rights of our citizens. I just want to scream it from the rooftops at the injustice of it.

Of course, don't get me started on the "In God We Trust" on the money (For some history on that go here). Or prayer in schools. Or putting "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance.

I had hoped if I ranted a little about it, I would feel better, but I am still steamed. I have run into people this past week that think Prop 8 is about teaching homosexuality and same sex marriages in school. As far as I know, marriages of any kind are not part of the standard curriculum. I don't even want to know what my blood pressure is like right now.

Reading, Reading, Reading,

2008-10-26T20:29:00.000-07:00

My goodness, I have read a lot of books this month. I finished 'A Dragonfly in Amber' by Galbadon and 'Casino Royale' by Fleming. I also finished 'Twilight' by Stephenie Meyers. All three were so different in story and style it was like going from hard, to somewhat complicated to way easy. I am debating my next book. I am being told I should finish the rest of the 'Twilight' series, but I am trying out a book club and they are meeting in December to discuss 'Painter from Shanghai' by Epstein. I also have the other books in the Galbadon series and I have 'Live and Let Die' from the Fleming collection, plus a stack of miscellaneous books that I picked up at the used book store sale. AND.... I am taking a class on CCRN certification so I should be studying for that exam as well.

As for 'A Dragonfly in Amber,' I enjoyed it but it was much more dense on the political plot twists as the characters ended up in the France with the French court. I enjoyed it, but it was a harder read than the first book and not quite as thrilling for me. 'Casino Royale' had a slow start for me as the writing style was so different I was put off and was reading the same chapter over and over. Once I got into it, I understood why the movies were made and why people love Bond. The book spends too much time explaining how to play baccarat so I kind of skimmed over some of those sections. Overall, it was fun read.

'Twilight.' How can I justify that I read this book? It sucked me in (funny pun considering it is about vampires) and I finished it within days. I enjoyed how the author captured the emotions of the first teenage crush and all the angst about the first kiss. She also does a wonderful job describing the town and surrounding terrain. The dialogue between the vampire boyfriend and the teen girl, is cheeky and cute too. It is about a teenage girl that falls for a 'good' vampire. These vampires hunt bears, cougars, etc in the mountains. They can be out in the sun. The head of the 'family' is the town's doctor. They go to high school. It's like those old Sweet Valley High novels some of us read in junior high, except the love interest is a vampire and that is a huge secret you can't share with your friends or parents. You can look for the movie coming out in late November. I think they would have been better off with a tv series or mini-series. We'll see.

I think I may take a reading break and do some crafting and studying instead. Hmmmm.

"Tut-tut. It looks like rain."

2008-10-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

At least that is what Pooh had Christopher Robin say as he was trying to pretend to be a rain cloud. We have lots of rain clouds in our skies. They are the first I can remember seeing in months and it almost feels muggy outside. Who knows, maybe we finally be blessed with some precipitation tomorrow . . . although that could mean Assistant Coach Dad and Soccer Player Daughter would be playing their game tomorrow in the rain.

Wondering why I haven't posted in awhile? I finished "Shadow of the Wind" and started "A Dragonfly in Amber," by Diana Galbadon. I finished two Renaissance Faire costumes (see picture below). I went to Disneyland for a few days (See pic to the left). I joined facebook.com. Anyone who is on there may understand the time drain that place can be :) And, I have been attempting to hack up a lung, aka battling allergies and asthma.

As for the books, "Shadow of the Wind" sucked me in from the first amazing chapter. I was in love. The first chapters describe a young boy's discovery of that first life changing book. Any avid reader knows what that is about. That first book you stumble across that makes you crave more books by that author or want to own the book or re-read passages multiple times. However, as the book progressed, the plot became so twisted and convoluted, I was about to throw it at the wall in frustration. I couldn't do that though, as it was lent to me by Newt. So I soldiered on, then there was a line where I caught myself saying an expletive out loud and I nearly burned the book. BUT . . . I endured and finished it and it was well worth it. It really was engrossing and full of rich detail. I was transported and loved it for that. I'll keep you posted on the latest Galbadon book.

Surfing the net lately

2008-09-09T18:57:00.000-07:00

Ever played with that feature on blogger "next blog" that just randomly picks blogs for you to peruse. On those lazy mornings when I am home alone, sometimes I do that see what I'll find. Sometimes I actually will go to the links some of my family and friends send me in their joke/junk emails. You know, those emails that have been forwarded a ba-zillion times and seem to make the circuit every year. Sometimes I search for old 80s videos on youtube. Well, a few interesting sites came across my computer this week.

Dirty Car Art. Yep, that is right. I guy creates masterpieces in the grime left in your windows after not washing your car for like a year. Check it out: http://www.dirtycarart.com/

Women Suffragates

. I have been a registered voter since I turned 18. I have voted in every election except one year where I had moved and hadn't re-registered. That being said, I had completely forgotten the story of the women who fought for my right to vote. Some info is available here: http://www.hbo.com/films/ironjawedangels/history/

After going to this site, I stumbled across this picture and had to post it here. I am a democrat and was suprised by this picture. I think I need to research the donkey logo and party history a bit more. Another site to use for more info on this story is here: http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/collections/suffrage/nwp/prisoners.pdf

Cell Phone Art. It is a topic I have been thinking about a lot lately because I see everywhere people taking pictures and videos with their cell phones. I am very guilty of this activity as well and started looking for some stuff on cell phone art. I found this site that actually is sponsoring a contest hosted by one of the Coppolas. http://www.pahnation.com/awards_cellphone.php Then this guy creates art from using the actual phones : http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5966005 And lastly, this was the kind of site I really wanted to find. All pictures taken of random things around the city using a cell phone http://www.sleepyurbanite.com/

And lastly, I'll share a phone photo I took last night watching football. Yes, it is British beer mixed with American football. I like a little irony and good beer in my life. Unfortunately the beer wasn't good enough to make the Raider game enjoyable.

Bad word problems make me all grumpy

2008-09-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

Things were hopping at work yesterday. If a patient wasn't leaving the unit for a procedure, they were doing a procedure at bedside. I was stuck as the lunch/ break nurse. Thank goodness we didn't have any codes or RRT calls though, only a couple admissions and transfers. I was running almost all day which makes a 12 hour shift go hella-fast. It was nice considering it has been so slow lately.

However, one of the dreaded responsibilities of the lunch/break nurse is to do patient care assignments for the next shift. That means I have to look at the staffing sheet to determine who is coming and who is supposed to be the lunch/break nurse for the next shift. We also then have to factor in who is regular staff, per diem, traveler (contract nurse only working for us for a few weeks) and preceptee (a new hire to the unit that needs training and assigned to a regular staffer, who hopefully has an interesting assignment to promote learning). Other factors to consider is how sick are the patients, are they on isolation, on a ventilator and how close the patients' rooms are to each other so that the nurses can better see their patients. Additionally, unless you have had special training, certain types of patients, like our stroke patients or ones that came in for stent placement, can't be assigned to you. Plus, if you have staff that are coming in that worked the day before, they typically like to have their same patients back. Sound hard? It kind of is, but it gets worse. You then have to factor in the attitudes of people when they show up and complain about their assignments. Sounds like one of those math word problems from hell that we had to solve in Algebra class.

Well, I tried to factor in all those things when I did the assignments and I still had problems. It didn't help that we had a very sick patient that was on their way to us that had to go to a specially trained nurse that ended up dying around 7:20pm before making it to our unit (Shift change occurs between 7-7:30pm). That added to even more assignment shuffling. Lots of gripes. I think even one person in particular was mad at me when I left even after I had made multiple changes to the assignments based on the comments that started flying at 7pm. So, I left feeling a lot of angst.

I understand why most of our senior staff dislike the lunch/break position. I also understand even more how nice it must be when I show up and take any assignment they throw at me without complaining, even if it is lunch/break nurse. I am pretty sure I have grumbled about assignments in the past, but I take them anyway. I'll try next time to not even grumble.

Oh sooooo giddy

2008-08-29T15:59:00.001-07:00

I'm bouncing and it is either from the free extra shot of espresso in my iced non-fat latte or the horde of books and movies I just picked up from 1/2 priced books. Oh yeah, the used book store was having a huge Labor Day weekend sale....$1 paperbacks or 10 books for $5 and $1videos and 20% off anything and everything in the store. Yep, I went a little nuts and so did the husband. I left him still there and I spent almost $100. Sooooo many books and now, so much caffeine rushing thru my veins. Where do I begin??

Some of the things I picked up:
- Beautiful hard cover editions (like coffee table edition sized) with illustrations of Alice and Wonderland and The Wind in the Willows
- The Velveteen Rabbit ....family tradition there, long story
- Several Ian Flemming paperbacks: I finally own Casino Royale!

- Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator: It is the edition I read when I was 9 years old!! I now only need the same edition of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
- Some of the Outlander series by Galbadon (Yes, I will share them as soon as I am done)
- A couple of kids' movies we didn't own yet
- a few interesting looking paperbacks

There were some books in particular that I was looking for by Laurell K Hamilton, but the section on the shelf for that author had a huge space, as if someone had just swiped everything by her.

So long old blue friend

2008-08-27T13:58:00.000-07:00

Inky is gone. Yep, sold him this morning. I took for a last drive last night with the daughter and had the husband take pictures. I will miss him, but it is time he goes to a new family that can maybe give him more TLC than I could.

I remember:

- My first and only ticket with you was the night I bought you. I took my friend cruising Friday night and since I didn't have new tags yet, I got pulled over for a fix it ticket.

- The gas fumes that plagued you the first couple years

- The broken fuel gauge that left me stranded only once

- The way you slowly putted up to Mt Hamilton observatory

- The daughter's face light up the first time she rode in the back and felt the rumble of your engine

- The sounds and smells of driving on a clear night and the feel of the air blowing on my face

- Almost maxing out my free tows from AAA in one year

- The constant slow dribble of leaks from under the car

- The looks of kids faces as they saw you drive by

- The friendly waves from other VW owners when we passed on the roads

- Changing your oil and adjusting your valves

- The shimmies were so bad at 55 mph that your side view mirror fell off on the drive home from Hollister and was just praying that nothing else would fall off

- Push starting you when the battery died

- Christmas day picnic at the beach

We will miss you Stinky Inky.

I met a cool lady

2008-08-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

I have to write about this one because I can't stop thinking about her. I was debating whether I should or not, but maybe writing about it will free my mind a bit.

I met a woman who is practically my age with a young one at home. She has tattoos, loves motorcycles and was about to get married to her significant other of several years, but something happened that allowed me to meet her. She was diagnosed with leukemia and eventually ended up in the ICU. She had been tired at home and started having some weird bruising. What she thought might be nothing turned into an immediate hospitalization and her first round of chemotherapy.

Her white blood cell count was so low that we had to be extra careful with infection control measures. Her platelets were so low, she was bleeding and brusing easily. Overall though, she was stable in ICU, just getting chemotherapy and lots of blood transfusions. She keeps talking about how she wants to go home and take a shower and see her kids. Her and I have had lots of time to talk and she has maintained strong attitude so far.

As her condition started to improve I set her up for walk around the unit. I put a mask on her and hooked her up to our portable monitor. Her S.O. was there so he went with us. I then led her out our double doors to see the outside. In my mind, this was a simple thing and a no-brainer thing to do, considering I had the time and I know mobility does great things for patients. What I didn't realize in my busy day was how important this was for her emotionally.

As she was walking across the unit she made a comment about her thinning hair and two ladies visiting their mother (also on our unit due to complications from cancer) heard her. They gave her beaming smiles and one said, "You look beautiful."

We kept walking. We made it to the double doors to the outside stairwell. As she stood on the back stairwell looking outside, she started to cry. She hadn't seen the outside in about 30 days. It was a beautiful day too. Trees so green. View so clear. Gentle breeze. Warm. Sunny. No clouds. But to her, it was the best view she had probably ever seen. She reached over to hold her husband's hand and said, 'This is the first time we have held hands since I was admitted to the hospital.' They were so afraid of her giving her an infection, he hadn't touched her.

Of course, I later told them they could hold hands and about how to wash hands, etc. But, I almost cried with her in that moment and I have been on the verge of crying every time I think about her situation. She says she wants to get a tattoo on her head once she is totally bald but she isn't sure yet. We joked about one possibility, "If you can see this, my hair has fallen off." It was in reference to the shirts her and her husband wear while riding their motorcycles. "If you can see this, the bitch has fallen off" or "If you can read this, the bastard won't let me drive."

Now you can probably understand why I am always on about not sweating the small stuff and enjoy life and your health while you got it.

So many books

2008-08-22T19:12:00.000-07:00

Since the last post, I finished 'Son of a Witch', 'Interworld' and 'Mistral's Kiss.' With that last book, I have read all the books in the Gentry Fairy series except for 'A Touch of Frost' and a new one due out this Fall. Whew, no wonder I have had no posts lately. 'Son of a Witch' is a sequel to 'Wicked.' It is an interesting book that was a difficult start for me, but after the first couple chapters it picked up a bit more. It had lots of links back to 'Wicked' and did have some of intrigue, religion and politics of Oz, but I'd have to say the story wasn't as rich and complicated as that of 'Wicked.' 'Interworld' was a fun little adventure story that I think would make a great SciFi series. It is about time travel, paralell worlds and endless possibilties. 'Mistral's Kiss' was the weakest storyline yet out of this series. I was mildy disappointed and left wanting a lot more. I'll be looking for the next one in the used book store. Speaking of which, I have managed to abstain from the used bookstore, but they are having a big sale this Labor Day Weekend and I have those days off. I am so heading there Friday. My next book will be 'The Shadow of the Wind.' Looks like it will be a great one.

I also been working on the little one's new RenFaire costume. I'll post some pictures soon.

In other news, Inky (my VW) may have found a new home. That is a mixed bag of good news and bad news.

Gearing up to a new book

2008-08-07T10:53:00.000-07:00

I have been in a rather addictive frenzy of late re-reading my Meredith Gentry Fairy Princess novels by Laurell K Hamilton. I could barely put them down and sometimes my eyes burned or my wrists hurt from holding the book in certain positions for too long. Now, I think that borders on addiction, eh? Especially since I read them all over a year ago. Anywho, I only own the first 4 books and the 5th and 6th books are missing from the library so I picked up a book a friend mailed me. Did I mention I plowed through all 4 books in less than 2 weeks? I think I needed a pick-me-up after reading 'Cold Mountain' and 'The Mermaid's Chair.'

Starting to read this new book, 'Interworld', was kind of awkward, but in a good way. You can read a certain author for a while and then when you pick up a new book, those first few chapters feel like you are driving a car you have never driven before and you haven't even been driving for a few months. It feels like that. The style is so different. The story so different. It is kind of fun. You can feel the gears in your brain being jolted and shifted to take in the new style of writing.

In other news, I am doing some serious purging and cleaning around the house. It has been slow at work so I have been working 8 hour shifts instead of 12 and this past Wednesday they asked if I would be willing to stay home and just take a vacation day. I guess people aren't that sick during the summer. So, I went through all my binders and stuff I had used for school the past few years and purged a ton. I filled our paper recycling bin (it is an huge bin, by the way) to about 1/2 to 2/3 full. Then, I felt compelled to clean the inside, outside and underneath-side of the fridge which blossomed into mopping the floors. I mowed the backyard, trimmed the trees and did some sweeping. I did laundry, and other chores. During all this and more manual labor around the house, I starting scheming about how I could afford to have a housekeeper come to my house 2 times a month to do the hard core cleaning. I'll keep you posted on those plans.

I want to go to 1/2 priced books this week and not just to try and sell some books. I want that 5th and 6th Hamilton book. I almost think I should be banned from those books for awhile. ;)

Enjoying the summer

2008-08-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've had two camping trips in the last 3 weeks. One up to the redwoods for hiking and enjoying the trees and one near a hot lake where we swam, kayaked and canoed. It was such a contrast in camping and makes me appreciate where we live even more. The redwoods were only about an hour drive away and the hot lake was almost 2 hours away. Such diversity, so close to home.

In other outdoor news, the daughter and I were trying to explore a lake park near us (maybe 2 miles away) and we brought Howie, the dog. The walk started off great, but then the trail didn't exacly continue around the lake and we explored around and found an entrance to other side of the park. However, we were stopped by a park ranger. He says no dogs allowed. It is the same lake we were walking on from the other side, but no dogs allowed on this side of the lake. We were very disappointed and I am not sure I want to go back to that park. Of course, it started a discussion with the daughter about why dogs are not allowed. The school that is about 1 block from our house has a playground so we used to walk over there a lot to play and would often bring Howie. Recently signs went up saying no dogs are allowed there. So, the daughter started talking about it as well. Basically, because people can't be trusted to clean up after their dogs or to keep them on leash, they have to ban them from certain parks. I guess it is good for her to learn about responsibility and accountability at a younger and younger age.

Still disappointing. Poor Howie.

Feeling antsy but going nowhere

2008-07-23T10:10:00.000-07:00

These past few months I have these feelings that I need change. I am ready for something new. I feel like I am in a rut of a personal, social, creative and professional level . . . like my whole life. I am approaching my 40s, is it a mid-life crisis? Life is good in our little slice of suburbia. Everyone is healthy. We have solid jobs. Marriage is solid. But, I feel like I need some kind of change. It is the same old, tired, yet comfortable routine.

I keep thinking I need some new friends, but I haven't really had to make any in years. I don't even know how to go about it. I want to try new activities. I am sick of having free time and no one to spend it with. I am done with being fat. I feel like I am boring and socially repressed. What happened to the 20-something girl that would spin on the beach or stay up all hours? What happened to that sense of adventure that led to me parachute or ride off-road motorcycles? What about all those travel plans? How about just getting out and doing stuff all the time? Exploring our surroundings? Maybe I need a new tattoo?!

I look at the free-spirited, independent, socially exuberant daughter and realize I used to be like that too. Maybe that is the cause for the self-reflection? I see me in her and I realize I am not like that anymore. I am old, tired and stuck in a rut of comfortableness.

And despite all this, what do I do? Just the same routine. Walk the dog. Go to the gym. Clean the house. Yardwork. Shopping. Take the daughter to her activities. Watch tv. Read a couple books now and then. Read about the exciting lives of others. Do some craft or house projects. Yawn.

How do I pull myself out of this rut? Or, is it really a rut? Well, housework calls.

Elation at work lasts only seconds

2008-07-22T10:47:00.000-07:00

The last few shifts at work they have had me out of direct patient care. I have either been the lunch break nurse, resource nurse (means we are overstaffed and I am just to help out) or in an auditing role. I've been there two years and they have me on a committee and doing the role of lunch break nurse. So, imagine my joy on Monday morning when I show up and I am assigned one of the sickest patients and they are a 1:1. That means I have only one patient and I am going to be hell-a-busy. I was so excited. I could hear "Walking on Sunshine" in my head. I skipped over to get report on my patient from the night shift nurse and the record playing in my head skipped and stopped. A new nurse, new hire to ICU was assigned to be with me. Yep, I with only 2 years of nursing experience was expected to orient this nurse to our unit.

Man, was I bummed. I was just wanted to take care of my patient and stayed focused in my work and now I was expected to do all this training as well. Ah, welcome to the rollercoaster of emotions that is my job.

And the morning got a little sadder around 10am. A patient I had cared for in ICU a few months ago had been transferred out to the medical surgical ward of the hospital. He died this morning. His son came by ICU to tell some of his dad's favorite nurses about his dad's death. I gave him a huge HUG. I really cared for his dad. I still carry a thank you card from him in my work bag. Once in awhile, I close my eyes and I can see his warm smile and hear his deep chuckle. Good-bye Mr V. I hope they have great BBQ in the place you have moved on to and that it reminds you of Philly in the summer time.

So as not to end this entry on a complete bummer note, enjoy the video below. Praise Jeebus for youtube.com!!

Feets of Fancy

2008-06-29T21:45:00.000-07:00

Just an advertisement for my friend in Minnesota who is doing some fundraising for multiple sclerosis. Check it out. These gals sure do love their shoes.

http://feetsoffancy.blogspot.com/

That flower on the corner

2008-06-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

Just over a year ago (June 7, 2007), I blogged about a random act of decorating. There is a street corner on the way to the daughter's daycare that someone is decorating with fake flowers. Well, this person is still at it and has changed the flowers yet again.

In other news, I can't sleep. I recorded "Cold Mountain" off the tv and watched that when I got home from work tonight, but the house is empty and too quiet. The family is having a sleepover. Something they often do on the weekends that I work. As for the movie, the book and movie ending were almost exactly the same. The movie changed a few elements, but stayed true to the overall story line. The problem with the movie is that the book was actually more rich in detail than any movie could ever really be. The movie was ok and Renee Zelweigger (how the heck do you spell that anyway) was brilliant. She brought the character of Ruby to life for me. She was spot on. I did not like Jude Law as Inman. He was too pretty for the role. I pictured someone a little more squinty eyed and rugged, none of which would be used to describe Jude Law, ever.

Well, maybe I'll read some work magazines. That should put me to sleep. It is getting late and I have to work tomorrow as well. This is the end of day 1 of my 3-day work week.

I finished "Cold Mountain"

2008-06-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

From the first page of this novel, I thought, "Whoa. This is like fine literature and stuff." I re-read the first page a couple times. It wasn't a typical page turner, but each page was loaded with imagery and thought provoking observations. I felt like I was there at times and could feel the weather the author was describing. It also reminded me a bit of 'The Odyssey.' It is the story of people caught in the dark side of the American Civil War. It also included insights about farming, birding and life during that time frame. At times, I thought it would be cool to be working a self-sufficient farm where you traded for what you needed and didn't really use money, to be so intuned with nature and your surrounding environment, so tied to the land. I enjoyed the book a lot and I think it is one I will re-read, but throughout the book, there was this undercurrent that something bad was going to happen in the end of the book. And, it did kind of have a tragic ending. I now kind of want to see the movie. I know it had a few Oscar nominations, which makes me think they may have followed the book well. Oscar loves a saga with a tragic ending.

Anywho, some sad things have beening going on work. I almost cried a couple times and the book didn't help. So, I am taking a little break before starting my next book, 'The Mermaid Chair.' As for work, all day Tuesday I just kept saying, " This isn't happening to me. It is happening to them and my job is to do this . . ." This mantra was followed by a couple of deep breaths.

A trip to the gym is in order and some time enjoying the family . . . and maybe a beer . . . or two. Got to savor life while you got a healthy one.

Plum season

2008-06-25T07:19:00.000-07:00

Yep, our prolific plum tree is bursting with plummy goodness. We had it trimmed last fall and some of the plums are huge this year. They are falling on the ground faster than we can pick them from the tree. I've taken some to work and they are very popular there. I had one co-worker offer to pay me to bring her more. I told her to come on by and get all the plums she wants for free before they go to waste. For your enjoyment, some plum-alicious pictures.

WHEEEEE!!!! A new swing

2008-06-17T06:52:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of myself that I am bragging about what I did last week. I hung a tree swing for the daughter from our huge tree in the front yard. I climbed on the ladder. I tied the knots. And, I didn't fall of the ladder and the knots held. Now, I might be lucky (that could be about 90% the case) or just a awesome. I want to go with " cool mom" for now. The daughter is happier than a monkey in a banana tree and loves being out in the front yard on her new swing. She wants to show anyone who walks by her new swing. She makes all kind of silly noises to draw attention to her new swing. I wish I had done it sooner. Now, I am thinking of getting an old tire and chain and hanging it from another branch. It is an amazing tree in our front yard. I am so thankful to whoever planted that tree smack in the middle of the yard. I'll stop now before my true tree-hugger nature really comes out. However, it has to be one of the best ways I have ever spent $20.

A knight's tale. . . no longer funny??

2008-05-30T22:12:00.000-07:00

Oh no. It hit me. "A knight's tale" was on tv tonight and I switched to it and thought how much I loved that movie and how it made me smile and laugh. We even own on it on DVD. The first scene was a joust with Heath Ledger and I felt overwhelmed with sadness and I almost wanted to cry. No happy-good feelings. I realized it was the first Ledger movie I had seen since he had died. Ugh. I had to change the channel. I am sure this will pass, but I sure wish I had been able to enjoy the movie tonight.

In other news, I have read even more books. Yes, I finished "Outlander"by Gabaldon. Quite the page turner, even if at times I but unbelievable. I really found myself fancying the large Scottish redhead Jaime Fraser. I also finished my other book, "Critical Care: The making of an ICU Nurse." It was great to read a book at times where it felt like the author had read my mind. It was just so validating and made me feel less crazy. The ending was a bit abrupt and hurried, but I think I may re-read it someday. Oh, and yes the book worm frenzy is alive as I even finished "The Golden Compass." I had seen the movie first and found the movie ok with some occasional fantastic moments, but the book was sooooooo much better. I thought the scene in the movie where the polar bears have a huge fight was epic. In the book, it was even more epic. Also, I was constantly amazed at how the author was able to remember or to get inside the head of a 10 year old child. I actually want to see the movie again now and I can't wait for my daughter to be able to read the story.

The other day I browsed the sales piles at the book store and picked up 2 new books to read. "The Mermaid Chair" and "Cold Mountain." They look like two completely different styles of fiction, but they looked interesting.

So, I flipped back to a "A Knight's Tale" and it was a funny scene and I still couldn't laugh. Ugh. I miss Heath.

All grown up now

2008-05-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

I am in a bit a of a dilemma. My 4 yr old daughter will be turning 5 soon and she thinks that makes her all grown up and that she doesn't need any toys anymore. Several times over the past couple weeks, she keeps telling me she wants to get rid of all her toys because when she is 5 she won't need toys anymore. She wants to give them to someone else to play with. She doesn't even want her dress-up clothes anymore.

We have asked her many times, "Are you sure?" "What about when your friends come over, what are you going to play if you have no toys?" "Do you want anything for your birthday?"

She says, "No, I don't want anything. I just don't want my toys anymore." She did say she wants to keep all her books because when she learns how to read in Kindergarten, she wants to read her books all by herself.

So, I am thinking if this continues one for another week, I will enter her room with bags and boxes and help her get rid of toys. Any thoughts on that? I am thinking I may store a couple of special toys for when she is older, but I can't believe she doesn't want any toys?!?

Roses and free coffee

2008-05-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

I had one of those evenings at work where I realized it could have been the script for one of those medical drama tv shows. Mind you, the only medical tv shows I watch are "House" or "scrubs" and I never have watched "ER", but I hear those drama shows eat stuff like this up.

At about 6:00 pm, we hear an overhead call for the Rapid Response Team (aka, RRT call). This is like a call for help from a nurse on the floor, outside of ICU, who has a patient that is suddenly not doing well and needs immediate help before the patient becomes worse. Sometimes these RRT calls turn into "Code Blue" calls if the patient goes into cardiac or respiratory arrest. Other times, the problem is solved by the RRT team and the patient is stabilized. The charge nurse from ICU, a couple of assistant managers and at least 1 respiratory therapist respond to the RRT calls.

On this RRT call, the patient is still "ok" (by ok, i mean barely breathing, horrible skin color, drenched in sweat, eyes wide and bulging and barely able to say 'ok'), but if we don't do something soon he will be a code call. They attempted to stabilize him and transport him to ICU for immediate intubation (to be placed on a ventillator). It must have been a busy day for the anesthesiologists, because it turns out we only have one anesthesiologist left available who can really intubate a patient for us in this situation. The other doctors that could do this for us in ICU are in the OR or not in the hospital yet. It turns out the doctor that is in our ICU attempting to help with our patient is being paged back to labor and delivery for an emergency c-section (emergency surgical removal of the baby from the mom).

He is looking at us while on the phone and calmly asking the the nurse calling about the c-section if he has 5 minutes. She told him the baby wasn't doing well and maybe they would have 5 minutes. He never lost his cool, panicked, yelled or anything. Calm and cool all the way, but the look in the doctor's eyes said volumes. He was looking down into the face of a 60+ year old man that if we don't treat soon would die and just hung up on a nurse dealing with a young woman and her unborn child. A patient nearer the end of his life who can't breathe and a patient just trying out life for the first time and hasn't even taken its first breath. All the chaos in that ICU room stopped for a second to recognize this problem and the next second we moved lightning fast to get our patient on the ventillator as fast as possible so the doctor could go help with the delivery of the baby. I think we had our patient entubated in less than 1 minute and the doctor ran downstairs.

We found out later, the c-section was very complicated and 4 doctors were down there but they had a happy outcome. Baby boy and mom were doing ok. As for our patient on ICU, he ended up not making it and passed away about 3 hours later.

It had me thinking though. A new life comes into the world in the room directly below us, while one life leaves us. And meanwhile, all around us in the hospital these types of things are happening everyday.

So, when I was enjoying breakfast at Starbucks with my daughter this morning, I really savored everything. Every breath I took, even if it meant I was standing in line or waiting at a stop light, was special. The daughter's chattiness was enjoyed more as health and vitality. The morning was gorgeous!

Then I experienced a littly pity for a man who came in to Starbucks. He reminded me of the man that had died last night. In his 60s, big belly maybe 5' 8". He asked for a small decaf coffee and when he was told he would have to wait 3 whole minutes for a fresh cup, said, "Ok, I'll have small regular coffee." He was told that the regular coffee was also brewing and he could just have a cup of coffee on the house in less than 3 minutes. What did he do? He huffed and stormed out of the shop. He was just offered a free cup of coffee if he could manage to control himself and wait 3 whole minutes. That kind of anger and stress, plus the weight, his age . . . adds up to trip to an ICU near you soon. I wanted to touch his shoulder, as he was standing next to me and say, "3 minutes isn't long and it is a free coffee. Breath. Relax. Then enjoy your coffee."

So, please stop and smell the roses and try to enjoy a free coffee when one is offered to you.

New and more new

2008-04-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

The house-husband is no more. He has a new job that pays a bit better than the house-husband gig, but with a longer commute. To go with that new job, we bought a new car. The new car, wasn't planned or budgeted for at this time, but the old 1998 Ford Windstar was going to need over $3000 in repairs and we had wanted to replace it later this year, just not now. New car shopping with my husband is always fun. This last time was no exception.

He received his offer for employment in the mail on Friday. On the following Monday he accepted the offer and began all the paperwork and so on to be hired on at the new company. On Wednesday, he decided to bring the van in for some work because it was intermittently overheating. The mechanics started looking into it and said initially it looks like there is a leak that is allowing "mud" to enter the radiator. The leak was most likely due to a bad head gasket. That night we did research on possible replacement vehicles, new and used. We even visited our credit union's website as they have an used car connection. We narrowed down our choices and pretty much figured the van was going to be donated and we'd be buying a new car within a couple weeks. We love to go to car shows, so we already knew what kind of cars we liked so were looking at Honda Elements and Ford Escapes. This would be the husband's primary car so he would be making the final decision. The van was pretty much his car anyways. I'm not a fan of the big cars.

Thursday morning after dropping the daughter off for preschool, we dropped the VW off for it's yearly maintenance to make sure it was running well. I really wanted to buy a Honda as a the replacement vehicle. I like most of their cars, but have never been able to buy one. I suggested we have lunch at a place next to a huge Honda dealership and we could test drive some cars.

We walked onto the lot around noon on Thursday and at 5:30pm the husband was driving off the lot with brand new Tangerine Mist Honda Element. We started looking at the used ones and test drove an used Element. The husband is EXTREMELY picky about the seats in his car. One time after buying is Nissan truck a few years ago, he was so upset with the seat in the car that he wanted to buy a Ford Ranger truck seat and have it installed in his Nissan. Test driving these Elements was extremely important for Mister Picky. He also has to really peak into every nook and cranny of the vehicles. The more we looked around and drove the cars, we realized a brand new one, which was more comfortable to drive, was only the difference of a couple thousand dollars.

BUT . . . the husband was very difficult with the sales people during negotiations. He basically gave them an impossible offer and said, "I knew you couldn't make that price and I offered that price because it goes against my grain to go out and buy the first car I see. In order for me not to regret shopping around more and buying this car, I'd have to get an amazing deal like the one I put on the table for you." He continued on about how he'd would hate the car if paid more and realized he could have done better by shopping around more. His offer was $1000 down and $250/month for 4 years. Everyone was very cordial and we thanked them for all the work and said we would most likely be back, but we just couldn't buy today. Meanwhile, I am dying with laughter on the inside seeing my husband give these speeches. I almost think he would do well in politics some day.

So, we walk to our car that is parked at the restaurant about 3 blocks away. We are about 1/2 a block from the car when we hear someone yelling the husband's name. We turn around and the sales manager is running down the street with one last offer. Amazing. The husband pretty much got his deal. We paid $1000 down and they gave us $1000 for the van as trade-in (sight unseen mind you and it is still at the shop and they don't know this) and $250/month for 4 years. They drove us to pick up the van and we paid about $95 to have the radiator flushed so it would at least make it to the dealership.

What a day. Car shopping with the husband, is always entertaining.

The mountain lions will eat you

2008-04-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

As I posted earlier, we are really enjoying having our dad/husband home more often. The daughter has been asking almost every day for a couple weeks now to go to the 'big red forest', which translates to "redwood forest." She did well at a hike at Point Lobos about 2 weeks earlier so we packed up a picnic lunch and headed off to Big Basin Redwood Forest.

It was a gorgeous day. Cold in the shade of the trees and warm in the brilliant sun. No clouds. A gentle breeze. Not crowded as it was mid-week. Perfect. After exploring the ranger station and little museum we set off for a hike. The daughter was warned again about touching poison oak and staying on the trail. Things were going great, but about half-way through our little trek, she thought she knew the best way to go at a fork in the trail. She was insistent to go one way and us, the other. So.....

I ask, "You know how when we watched that show about the zebras and elephants and the lions attacked the baby elephants? Do you remember why?"

Daughter responds, "No." She is looking really perplexed here.

I calmly answer, "Well, animals like lions, wolves and tigers will attack the children of animals when they wander off from their parents. That is why we must stick together. The mountain lions in this forest could catch you and eat you if you wander off by yourself." Thank goodness we watched that show on Discovery "Planet Earth." It was filled with imagery of animals eating other animals.

Daughter says, "There are lions here? They like to eat kids?" She is looking really worried now.

"Yep."

So, she she sticks by us the rest of the hike. The husband is trying hard not to laugh. The rest of the hike is peppered with questions about why mountain lions eat kids and would you be dead if a tiger caught you, etc. Discussions about how parents protect their kids from things like tigers and wolves.

Yes, I am mean, but at least she is safe and will have a great story to tell her therapist or her friends someday.

Having a house husband

2008-03-08T13:18:00.000-08:00

My husband has been unemployed since November, but it is not a bad thing at all. We have dates mid-week while the daughter is in pre-school. We have family day trips to fun local places, zoos, aquariums, etc on weekdays versus the crowded weekends. He was able to get in some fun vacation with his friends. We even took some family vacation.

Plus, I got a house husband. Everyone at work is so jealous. He cooks and cleans the kitchen and does laundry. And he does yard projects. Below are the pictures of what he was able to do so far. He dug up a patch of the back yard about 6 feet wide that starts at our back patio and continues all the way down to our side yard and paved it. He also organized a deck building party and got a deck built for the hot tub. We recently finished the stepping stones to the deck and planting the area near the deck. The grass looks a little shaggy because we are in the process of reseeding some areas.

Some before pictures would probably help you really see how much work he did. We have got to see if we can afford to live on one income. This is just soooooo nice!

I wanna live where it is spring all the time

2008-02-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

We went to St Paul, Minnesota for the annual winter carnival. We also visited all the friends and family and had fun in the snow. As usual, it was a fun trip and I had a great time. We were actually testing the area out thinking we might move there since I am out of school and have almost 2 years work experience under my belt and the husband is unemployed looking for new work.

When we first arrived our stubborn California native 4 1/2 year old daughter just can't grasp the concept of true cold. She thinks she can go outside with practically no clothing on. To prove it, she puts on her cousins' cape and bathing suit with snow boots and says she is going out to play in the snow. It was probably 10 degrees out and snow was maybe a 1-2 feet deep in places. She went out and came back in within 2 minutes and didn't try that again.

She did discover the joys of snow such as, sledding, building stuff out of snow and eating snow and just running and sliding around in the icy stuff. However, she did struggle constantly with the whole mitten thing. Seems it is hard to find mittens to fit hands her size.

We started talking to the daughter about moving to Minnesota towards the end of our stay. We asked, "So, would you like to move here to Minnesota?" and she says, "No, I want to stay in California where it is spring." Ah, such genius.

In the meantime, the husband and I will keep our job searches open to Minnesota and see what happens.

The first picture above is the daughter at Grandpa's cabin. The ice sculptures were part of the winter carnival celebration and were in Rice Park. Below is one of the lions at Como Zoo. They said the lions were raised here so they have no problems with the snow.

Sunrises

2008-02-10T23:00:00.000-08:00

When I am driving to work in the morning, it is that wonderful time just before the sun peeks over the hills. I am driving east and seeing the most spectacular sunrises and it just fills me with so much energy and hope. Something about the beauty of it, the newness of it . . . I keep thinking I should try to capture a picture of it with my cell phone or bring my camera, but I never do. I just soak it in and let the smile creep up my face and embrace the new day. The good feelings from it can sometimes last most of the shift at work and somedays I lose it and have to remember back to the images.

What is it about sunrises that have affect over me? I am feeling all relaxed right now, just remembering the last one.

Finally a new post for the new year

2008-01-24T20:22:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it has been this long since a post, but I guess time flies when you stay busy. I just have had enough time in front of a computer to check emails and keep up with friends and family.

We had a wonderful time over the holidays. I saw my brothers which I hadn't seen in AGES! It was great reconnecting with them. I hope the connection lasts this time.

I spent Christmas enjoying a beautiful sunset with friends and family. The daughter was so happy, she nearly cried Christmas morning when she saw that Santa had brought the Princess Jasmine costume she wanted.

New Year's was spent with friends and we celebrated at 9pm (Midnight on the East Coast). It allowed us older folks a chance to get bed at a decent hour. Goodness, we are getting older.

I had some time to think and reflect a bit in the new year. I realized I have been in this current house for almost 10 years. It is the longest I have ever lived in one place by a long shot. I have known my husband for 15 years. We are definitely beating the odds on divorce and it looks like we'll be able to celebrate our 10th anniversary in Hawaii, which was something we planned before we were even married. I am getting closer to the 40 yr mark. My music from high school is starting to be "oldie" music. In the latest Veggie Tales movie, they do a version of the B52's song, "Rock Lobster." Painful and funny at the same time. That song was the anthem of our high school dances!

I have never been one for new year's resolutions, but I have started to think I should make some changes in my life that would be better for my health. I am tackling 1 habit at a time for now. The current habit I am trying to kick is diet sodas. I don't drink regular sodas and I drank diet sodas because I liked the bubbles. So, I have switched to seltzer water and club soda. Next, I'll try to stop eating when I get home from a long shift at work.

Last night, I got home and it was almost 9pm (I should be home by 8pm considering my shift should end at 7:30pm, but stuff happens). I had left the house at 6:30am. I had a lunch at 3pm and so when I get home at 9, I am not only exhausted but damn thirsty and hungry. I know if I eat that late at night, it is HORRIBLE for the waist line and I won't sleep well. However, if I don't eat something I'll be waking up in the middle of the night hungry. So, I have to settle for some water or herbal tea and a light snack. It always seems so hard to settle for a light snack, especially after a really bad day at work or when you are really hungry. Sometimes, all I want is a beer with my popcorn. Salt and beer. What a feast!

The next big thing is a trip to the frozen tundra that is Minnesota to vist friends and family and enjoy the Winter Carnival. I'm looking forward to it. It is another family vacation and the last one we had was in May, so we are past due.

Oh, and I finished some books and gave up one. I finished "Wicked." I borrowed it from a friend, but it is a book I think I would like to have as a keeper, maybe in hard back. It was much heavier book than I expected, filled with political debtates, religion and the constant debate over what is truly evil. I gave up on "A Heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius." Maybe, I'll try it again some day.

The book I am bringing for the trip is "The Other Bolelyn Girl." I also purchased "The Golden Compass" series so I may be trying that next. I have stack of Jennifer Wiener books borrowed from a friend that I have been advised or fun light reading. I may try that soon too.

Christmas decorations

2007-12-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

I have loads of warm and fun memories around Christmas. I love most of the music, the decorations, the lights and the way the whole atmosphere just changes for a couple weeks. Watching my daughter this past week getting all excited about the Christmas music and decorations made me smile and realize another aspect I love about this time of year. It just brings out the kid in me. I think that is part of the appeal.

No one can really claim to the have the perfect family and I am no different, but there was something about the time from Thanksgiving to January 6, that just seemed to always bring out the best in the family. Thanksgiving dinner was a big deal that included way too much food as it had to cover both the traditional American cuisine and some of the elements the Filipino cuisine. So dinner would include a turkey, lumpia, punsit, stuffing, ambrosia, cranberry sauce, etc. Same thing would happen on New Year's Day. Both days would involve a game or two of street football or just some time running passes or playing catch.

In the days leading up to Christmas there was the tree hunt where we would go out to some local farm to cut our own tree. We would decorate it while listening to Mom's music collection such as the Osmond Family Christmas or Johnny Mathis. We'd have egg nog in our special cups. There would be the the critiques from Mom that we were hanging too many ornaments in place or clumping the tinsel.

Christmas Eve, my sibllings would camp out in my room because it was downstairs and closer to the Santa action. We'd tell stories and and try to stay up to hear when Santa came. We did this until I left the house for college.

So, now is the time to start some similiar traditions in our house.

Thanksgiving

2007-12-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was warm, cozy and simple. No stress. No muss. Friends and family gathered at my sister in law's home. The weather was perfect and we were able to take the girls to the park while dinner finished cooking. We played. We talked and relaxed.

There was a fun element to the dinner. The secret ingredient was corn. Yep, each person was assigned to bring a dish that used some element of corn in it . . . corn flour, corn meal, corn, corn nuts, corn syrup, etc. We brought turkey tamales as an appetizer. Others brought ChexMix with corn nuts in it, corn relish, corn bread stuffing, corn ice cream (apparently very popular in the Philippines) and pies made with corn meal crust. Yes, I tried the corn ice cream which was ok, but the texture kind of made it not something I would try again. There was also shredded carrot in it.

But, for the sentimental softy side of me, the best part of the day came the next day. My sister in law who hosted the dinner, bought a Promise Basket in all of the guests names from Heifer International. It was a wonderful reminder of all the things we have to be thankful for this year and that we have the ability to share our bounty with others.

There are lots of ways to give back to society. I have donated money and time to various charities over the years. I have purchased from places that have a cause they support such as Greatergood.com or the Breast Cancer site.

However, I was thinking that is even a simpler, cheaper way to give a little and that is to be polite and share a little kindness on a regular basis everyday. Be a courteous driver and maybe let someone merge in front of you once in awhile. Hold a door for someone. Smile more often. Get outside and meet your neighbors. Talk to your checker at the check-out line instead of gazing off into space as you are hypnotized by the drone of the scanner beeping your items. I am just thinking of some ways I have tried to be more polite and I usually feel better about it.

I think it is just a matter of taking a breath and a moment to realize we have so much to be grateful for and to be negative, closed in and impatient is just a waste of time and energy. I see examples everyday that there are far worse things in life than to be cut-off in traffic.

My PSA for November: Diabetes Awareness

2007-11-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

I was reading around in my nursing journals and discovered that November is Diabetes Awareness and Nov 14 is World Diabetes Day.

Most of the patients in my ICU have diabetes or are admitted due to a complication from diabetes. Some of my co-workers are getting diagnosed with it and some of my friends and their family. Shoot, if I am not careful I may be diagnosed with it soon myself.

One of the more upsetting stories I run across when it comes to diabetes is the man in his late 20s or early 30s who has been ignoring symptoms of diabetes due to ignorance or stubbornness for a while. He finally comes in when either he has started losing his eyesight or problems from his failing kidneys bring him in. Unfortunately at that point, he may be looking at permanent blindness or amputation or dialysis with a life expectancy of less than 10 years.

What is diabetes? Regardless of the type of diabetes you have, the complications that arise are due to your body not having enough insulin (a hormone that comes from your pancreas) to help convert glucose (sugar) to energy. There are 2 types. One type (Type 1) results from a lack of insulin, meaning that for some reason the pancreas just isn't producing enough insulin. The other type, (Type II) is more related to the cells in your own body becoming resistant to the insulin that is being produced. Your pancreas is producing insulin, but for several reasons, your body is ignoring it and thus lots of glucose is left floating in your blood stream and body resorts to other means to generate energy.

What can happen if your diabetes goes untreated? What are long term effects of diabetes? You have increased risk for serious infections and limb loss, peripheral nerve loss, kidney failure, cardiovascular disease, stroke and blindness. But, it is not all gloom and doom for diabetics. It is very possible to live a long productive life with this diagnosis if you get the treatment you need and make the necessary lifestyle changes required.

What are some signs and symptoms that you should go see your doctor? Here you go:

Thirsty and drinking more often, plus going to the bathroom more frequently
Weight loss when you aren't really trying to lose the weight
Weakness and fatigue
Tingling or numbness in your hands and feet
Blurred vision
Dry, itchy skin
Cuts that take a long time to heal
Easy to bruise

So, if you would like additional info on diabetes check out these sites:

That was my PSA for November. :)

2 books in less than 5 days!?!?

2007-11-10T17:27:00.000-08:00

Yeah, believe it or not I finished 2 books in less than a week. I think the last time I did something like that I was in my early 20s and that was awhile ago.

I finished "Eldest" by Paolini, his second book in the series. It was much better than his first and I think it was longer too. I enjoyed his descriptions of the elves, discussions on the various faiths and of course, the relationship with the dragons. What a wonderful piece of escapism. I finished it and got online to see when the final book in the series was coming out and found out two things. One, it is no longer a trilogy but is now called a "cycle" and will be 4 books long, not 3. Two, the third book won't be out until Septemner 2008. Yep, a whole freakin' year away!! Ugh.

So, I slept on that bit of news and started a little book I had picked up at the library last week. "Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress" by Sijie. What a surprising little book. It was a refreshing light read, that although was simple was still able to provide rich imagery of the events. I loved how it ended and loved the quote. It brought a smile to my face. It peaked my interested in the French auther, Balzac. Balzac was a prolific tortured writer, but I think I may try to read one of books if I can find it at the library. I also found that the author (Sijie) directed a movie version of his novel in 2002. I guess I am a smidge behind the times.

Now, I either need to attack the pile of nursing journals and texts from classes taken recently or try to find another book to read. I do have this one book that I still can't seem to finish. I am still mired in the foreword, that I stupidly thought I should read. The book, "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius."

I think I'll try the nursing journals. :)

Randomness at the drug store

2007-11-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

There is has been a plague hovering over our house since mid-October. First, the daughter comes down with the creeping crud that causes the cough that sounds like a lung or parts of the lung are coming up, the sore throat and hoarse voice and copious amounts of snot that looks like it could be used as a green glue. She would cough so hard she caused herself to puke. Then this lovely illness passes to the husband. Then, just when I think the plague has passed I get it and lost my voice for almost 4 days and had to use 2 sick days for work.

My voice is returning, the cough is nearly gone. The daughter's cough has been gone for maybe a week. The husband still has a residual cough. Things are looking up. It is a new month, but it doesn't last. Yesterday the daughter starts grabbing at her lower abdomen, about where the bladder should be and starts screaming and saying she has to pee. This continues on for the rest of the night. I take her in to the doctor today and expect a diagnosis of bladder or urinary tract infection but that is not the case. She is stumped. All the symptoms of a bladder infection but the lab results say no. So, I am told to take her home, make her drink her fluids and give her nice warm baths, with no bubblebath.

After a couple of hours of still dealing with her pain and cries and runs to the bathroom, she has started to puke now and I can't really give her anything. So, I decide to go to the drug store and pick up some Coke (great for upset stomachs) and maybe some rectal Tylenol. If someone is puking so much they can't keep down medicine, sometimes you can give the medicine through the rectum and at least they can have some relief from pain.

So, I am browsing the aisle at the drug store and discover that they actually do have pediatric doses of rectal Tylenol. Then I discover what is truly amazing, dissolving Tylenol. These sweet little tablets that just dissolve on the tongue, which means they are absorbed straight into the blood stream through the oral membranes! My god, what a fantastic invention. That goes into the shopping basket.

Next, I am off to the stomach aisle. You can't typically give a kid with stomach flu anything for it, especially something like Pepto-Bismol because it contains aspirin. I decide to check anyways since I found this amazing new form of Tylenol. They did have this product on this shelf that said it was an anti-emetic for kids so I read the label. Ingredients listed were glucose, fructose and phosphoric acid . . . surprisingly those are the same ingredients in the Coke I had already thrown in the basket. Coke for an upset stomach is a remedy that has been passed on for a long time and now someone has put some of those same ingredients in a medicine so they can charge more for it. Go figure. I am definitely keeping the Coke in the shopping basket.

Next comes the beginning of the really funny part of this shopping adventure. The doctor had a theory that maybe some of the pain she is experiencing is from irritation from either too many bubble baths or time in the chlorinated waters of the hot tub. She recommended warm baths or sitz baths for the daughter, so I was in the feminine hygiene aisle to see if they had something you could add to warm baths to help with discomfort. There was a guy there browsing the condom section. I am thinking, 'Good for him. Practicing safe sex.' Then I remember I had seen him earlier looking in the booze section with his girlfriend while I was buying the Coke.

By the way, there was nothing in the feminine hygiene department for the daughter's ailment. I ended up just using a normal hot bath.

I am finally at the check out line and who is in front of me? The guy who had been shopping for booze and condoms with his girlfriend. Yet, he was buying only one item . . . a fakey rhinestone, sparkly thing that I think was for her hair or maybe was a bracelet. That was it.

I am left wondering did he decide he wasn't going to get lucky and gave up on the booze and condoms? Or, is she a cheap date and only needs some fake bling to get excited? Maybe he already had enough condoms? Who knows, but it was kind of amusing. Fakey bling from the drug store.

The dissolving Tylenol and Coke were big hit back at home.

Why the corn picture?

2007-10-31T14:00:00.000-07:00

You may wonder about the corn picture on my page. I love Fall. All the colors, the leaves, the pumpkins and even the lighting. There is something almost magical about the lighting on a sunny Fall day. I took the dried corn picture at Swank Farms Corn Maze. Enjoy some other pictures I have taken during Fall.
And, Happy Halloween!

The happiest place on earth? Depends. . .

2007-10-19T09:18:00.000-07:00

I went to my happy place recently, Disneyland. I took my favorite D-land partner, my daughter. There were so many moments that were priceless for me due to their comedic nature.

First . . . The daughter was so excited about the trip that she actually woke up 4:30am on the day of departure. We flew to D-land so by the time we were lining up at the security gates at D-land it was about 10:30 a.m and she had been up for 6 hours with about only 6 hours of sleep from the night before. For those without kids, this is a recipe for disaster. It was one of the hottest days on record for October in Anaheim and apparently several schools were closed due to Columbus Day. It was hot and it was crowded. She immediately started whining about the heat and standing in line. She eventually started saying she didn't even want to go to D-land. I knew she was whining more because she was hot and tired. We finally get inside the gates and we are standing in the happiest place on Earth and what does my daughter say? "Wendy (from the movie Peter Pan) is not here! I am not happy!" This is punctuated with foot stomping and a healthy pout. I am chuckling and behind me a woman with her husband says, "That's not right. She's in the happiest place." Of course, they were chuckling too.

Second . . . I ask, "Do you want your picture taken with Mickey Mouse? Do you want to meet Mickey?" She says, "No. I don't like Mickey. I only like Pluto." I am surprised we weren't escorted out of the park after that comment.

Third . . . "Mom, can we stay in Disneyland forever?"

Fourth . . . She says after riding Pirates of the Carribean, "I saw Captain Sparrow 5 times and the guy with the octopus face was talking at us with his face on the water. I like Captain Sparrow. "

Fifth . . . "Mom, can you please take my picture with the candy corn. I love candy corn." As do I do, sweetie, as do I.

There were several other moments, but the last one I'll leave you with, "Mom, I want to stay here forever but I miss my daddy and my big dog." Ah, the dilemma of a 4 year old.

Ahhh...a nice refreshing rain at last

2007-09-24T08:35:00.000-07:00

Yeah! It rained. It was cold and wet. Something that hasn't been the case for months, unless you count some foggy mornings around here. Fall is here. Of course, the daughter kept asking why is it raining all the time and how come it won't stop, and how come the rain is following her and how come the water moves like that on the car window. . . endless questions.

I was having on of those thoughts today as I was zoning out to HGTV. I was wondering what someone from another country would think of our obsession of remodeling our houses and accessorizing pillows to draw out the accent color in the throw rug. The industry around home improvement is huge, the designers, the schools, the tv, the stores, books, internet, etc. I began to think about people who don't really have a home or have a really crappy home. They may a 1 room hut or less. Talk about designing for small spaces. Then those same small cramped dwellings may have a full extended family trying to live in it, with livestock running around under the house or through the house. Then I was thinking, you don't have to go too far to find people living like that. Have you seen how migrant farmers live? People in the Appalachia's? On Indian reservations? Hell, we have some apartment buildings in the Bay Area or rental houses that are pretty awful.

At some level, watching people rip apart someone's house because they have too much clutter or they chose some bland shade of white for the whole house is kind of disgusting. I mean, some people would love to live in that cluttered white shack because it is 100 times nicer than what they have.

Why am I just sitting here on a couch when these types of social inequities are occurring?

So, I kept watching HGTV and I then I started to get mad at the designers that bitch about tv's being the center of a room's attention. Hello?!?! How do you think people watch your show??

I then realized that my coffee had probably kicked in I should do some writing, emailing, etc.

BTW, I am trying to read "A Heartbreaking Work of Stagger Genius" and just can't even make it to the first chapter. I am still wading through the prologue. I need a new book to read. I hear "Wicked" is coming in paperback. Maybe I need to do some shopping.

Real shoe therapy

2007-09-20T21:08:00.000-07:00

I have a favorite pair of leather loafers that I bought years ago. The quality was so good on them, they still looked great and I often got comments on them. They are not typical loafers and are actually made by some company in Brazil. In case you were wondering why I still have these shoes, I have a thing with shoes. If I love them, I wear them until they are falling to bits around my feet. Case in point, I have a pair of black ballet flats from the late 1980s that are now back in fashion and a pair of suede knee-high boots that I bought in maybe 1990. I even learned back when I had an office job and had to dress a little nicer, that if I found a pair of shoes I loved, I would get two pairs, usually one in a different color.

I had a two day class up in Oakland this past week so I put on my favorite loafers and was off. However, I noticed as I walked they made a strange squeaking sound on the right side, probably due to some break in the arch support or something. And worse of all, the left shoe was too tight and no longer fit like it used to. Some women may understand this problem. I had a baby about 4 years ago and ever since then, some shoes just don't fit like they used to. I had already purged a favorite pair of Doc Martens sandals due to this problem, but I hadn't realized it had affected my loafers too.

So, I kept wearing them and saying to myself they will stretch a little, all leather and all. The squeak isn't all that annoying. Well, by lunch time I had a chance to walk around downtown and I realized that my left foot was killing me and I was going to need a new pair of shoes stat. I walked a couple blocks and unbelievably found a Payless Shoe Source. I found a new pair of brown shoes that were on sale. As I was paying for the shoes, the cashier must have realized my dilemma because he asked if I wanted to wear the shoes out of the store. So he removed all the tags and gave me a bag for my loafers. Minutes later and $20 later, I was putting my favorite loafers in a garbage can (sniff sniff) and wearing some new shoes that didn't squeak and didn't irritate the blister that had developed on my left foot.

I guess I am lucky I didn't stumble across a high-end shoe store. My shoe therapy may have cost me a lot more money.

My PSA for September

2007-09-12T19:11:00.000-07:00

My PSA (public service announcement) for September is stroke awareness. Our hospital is a certified stroke center. This means our staff has been specially trained, certified and regularly audited to ensure we deliver the best in stroke care. As part of all that, we have to go through annual training. So, I had to sit through 8 hours of information on stroke and I thought I would share some basics.

Like many health problems, the earlier something is diagnosed, the better your chances for survival and recovery. Also, there are lots of things you can do to lower your risk of stroke.

Stroke can also be called a brain attack, because as in a heart attack, a stroke is when blood supply is interrupted to the brain. The blood supply can be interrupted by a clot obstructing blood flow or it can be by hemorrhage, as in a blood vessel bursting. The most common strokes are from clots.

The acronym to remember and pass along to anyone you know will help you recognize the early signs of stroke and help get you treatment faster:
F. A. S. T.

Facial droop
Arm drift
Slurred speech or inability to speak
Time is important: If the person has any of these symptoms act fast, call 911

There are several risk factors that increase your chances of having a stroke:

High blood pressure
Heart disease
Smoking
Diabetes
High cholesterol

This means if you smoke, you should stop. Have your blood pressure checked regularly and if you have been diagnosed with high blood pressure, take your medications. Other ways to lower your blood pressure is to drop as little as 10 extra pounds and increase your aerobic exercise. Managing your diabetes helps ensure cardiovascular health. And like everyone keeps telling us, eating more fruit and veggies and less fat helps with weight management, lower cholesterol levels and a healthier heart.

For more info:

And lastly, don't be afraid to go to the hospital and find out you have nothing wrong with you. We have seen and heard from lots of stroke patients and their families. People who tried to self-diagnose and avoid coming in to the hospital, have the scariest and sometimes saddest stories. And don't try to drive yourself in if you think you are having a stroke. One guy did and ended up in an accident that injured others, including himself.

That's ok! That's alright! Shake it off! Shake it off!

2007-09-10T10:16:00.001-07:00

I have that song "Ruby Ruby" by the Kaiser Chiefs in my head and I keep substituting the chorus of "Ruby Ruby" with "Monday, Monday." I just finished my work week, meaning I worked my 3-straight 12 hour shifts and today is the beginning of my weekend. As is typical with the start of my weekend, I tend to spend a couple hours on the internet. I don't have many insights to share today, but I thought I would post an entry to my blog anyway and see where that goes. So, let's ramble on . . .

I've been at my job for just over a year now and they have started assigning me to be the lunch and break nurse. I get nervous with that role, because it is a little like a charge nurse role and I am supposed to respond to any codes in the hospital or rapid response team calls. I spend the whole day hoping one doesn't get called. Yesterday was my second time in this role and I lucked out. I think I should be looking forward to being called because once you have been through them a few times, it'll be less scary, but getting through those first few will be intense for me. It is a bit like having stage fright. You have rehearsed the show many times and studied the entire play, but you have yet to perform it as the lead character in front of a live audience. We did have a patient that started doing poorly and it became a slow motion code...first the ventilator, then all the medications, then all the labs and of course the countless calls and conversations with family members and doctors (one doctor in particular screaming at us). It was like a 12 hour shift crammed into 3 hours and in the end, they decided to discontinue all support for the patient. What happened in those three hours was so much drama, it would almost take a novella to describe it all. Someone watching me leave that night may wonder how I was able to leave with a bounce in my step.

I chalk it up to two things. 1) I know we did a great job and never lost our cool. We respected the patient and the family, allowed them in the room as much as they wanted and assured comfort and dignity for the patient. 2) My co-worker told me a cheer her daughters learned when they used to do cheerleading: "That's OK! That's alright! Shake-it off! Shake-it off!" You actually wiggle and shake your pom-poms to the "shake-it off" part. I plan on teaching it to the daughter. It really helped to picture that cheer when the doctor was screaming and the pharmacy took nearly an hour to deliver an urgent medication.

No one has expressed interest in buying my VW yet. Of course, I haven't done too much to try to sell it other than post it on a couple of free sites and put a for sale sign in the window. Maybe we won't be saying good-bye to him after all.

Someone changed the mysterious white flower with pink ones over the weekend. The daughter was a touch upset about it, because she wanted to know what happened to the white one but she was quickly over it, as she likes pink anyway. I'll try to take a picture of the new flower and post it for you.

We bought a hot tub at a home show on Labor Day weekend. It should be delivered in about a week or so. I am eagerly anticipating sitting in there after a long day at work. I could be sitting in it right now......

The California Seasons

2007-09-06T09:49:00.000-07:00

Many people not from California gripe that California has no seasons and that is why they don't like the state. That is fine by me, keeps more people out and maybe the real estate prices will keep coming down.

However, we do have seasons. We have the rainy-cold season (November through February). The green season after the rainy season. The golden-brown season that starts around May and lastly, the worst season of all, fire season. Yep, that period of time at the end of summer where everything is so dry from no rain for about 4 months that the grass has gone from gold to brown to what my daughter thought was sand.

We have two raging fires in areas around us and the sky looks like something out of a futuristic apocalyptic sci-fi movie. The sunsets are all hazy and the sun looks like a blurry small orange. The sunrises all are muted and the sky looks like we have fog. I am almost afraid to go outside and do any activity that requires heavy breathing. It looks like those bad smog days in Los Angeles when they warn you to stay inside.

The fire season really upsets me, because almost all of the fires are started by some idiot that was unsafe with fire or some psychotic arsonist. We don't really have thunderstorms in these areas so you can cross off lightning strikes from possible suspects for the catalyst. I know rain is months in coming and those firefighters are killing themselves to get the fire under control in all this heat and high wind. It gets me to thinking we really need to figure out how to make rain clouds. What an invention that would be, especially when fighting wildfires.

Hmm..... a rain cloud maker.....oh the possibilities.

Mid-week weekends

2007-08-22T12:54:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it is a lazy Wednesday afternoon for me. I don't have the normal 9-5, Monday - Friday kind of job. I have "weekends" in the middle of the week. It is kind of cool, but at the same time, most of my friends don't have the same schedule so it can be a little lonely.

When I have these mid-weekends, I usually spend some time on the computer to dawdle, catch up with friends and figure out what I am going to do with my time off. I know there is the never ending list of housework and yard work and other chores. There is also the the constant studying required for my job. The gym calls me and so does a nice trip to the day spa. There are countless errands and little craft-like projects. Oh, and home projects. Sometimes the longer I sit, the longer the list gets and I get so overwhelmed, I become a couch potato and watch taped episodes of 'scrubs' or something.

Sometimes I ponder about putting together a master list of all my projects and another list of all chores and try to schedule them so there will be order to my days off and they won't be wasted. Then, I think that is way too anal and I should just focus on chores. Hard labor is always good for the waist line and the house looks better. I also then think, I really need to learn how to relax.

Hmmm, what to do, what to do??

Oh, thank you cards from the birthday party and uploading of photos. Means I can sit here on the computer a little longer and see if anyone IM's me to chat.

Speaking of photos, took this one of a tiger the other day, just before he tried to spray us. Thank goodness for the chain link fence. I think he was hungry.

I can't believe I am doing this

2007-08-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

I am selling Inky. Who is Inky? He is a 1978 Super Beetle Convertible that I bought in 1999. Every since I was a kid, I loved the VW Bug. On old family friend, who I referred to as my Grandpa growing up, owned an used car lot near our place. I would just love to play in the VW Bugs on his lot. When I went away to college my mom sent me a care package. In that care package was a small scale model of a 1978 white convertible super beetle with a $20 bill wedged in the trunk. Later, my miniature car collection of various VW Bugs increased to about 12 that filled the shelves of my cubicle and office at work.

Then in 1999, I had some extra money and I started shopping and eventually bought Inky. He was named this by a good friend. She said it was due to his color. Sometimes I would start to call him Stinky Inky, but it was always with affection.

Since I bought him, I have learned to do some minor maintenance myself, like oil changes, points adjustment and timing belt. I think one year though, I almost reached my max on AAA free tows.

Driving the car most days is like the best anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, anti-stress drug in the world. During the day, the sun warms you and wind flows by and in the background is the purr of the engine. At night, the stars twinkle and the crips air blows around. Ah, it is wonderful. Maybe I should record that before I sell it for good.

So, why am I selling it? My practical nature is winning me over. To make this car the way I truly want it, I would have to probably spend another $5000. My practical nature just can't let me spend that kind of money on a car for restoration purposes. Maybe, if there was no college fun to worry about, or house projects on the list or retirement savings to think about....maybe I could let myself spend the money. Maybe.... Then of course, there is the issue of safety, especially since we have a young one in the family.

So with deep regret, Inky is for sale.

Tried old story lines

2007-08-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

After a few recommendations I finally started and finished Eragon by Paolini. The book was supposedly so great that they even made a movie (I haven't seen it yet). I started the book with high hopes and found I was a little frustrated by the book at first. I felt like I had jumped right in the middle of a D&D adventure. I actually put the book away unable to get much further, but then I was home with the sick daughter yesterday and read the book as she slept or lounged on me. Then, I could not get over how much of the story was ripped from Star Wars, and then later from Lord of the Rings. For some reason though, I kept reading on.

It got me to thinking, are those story lines so universal that they show up everywhere? Are they so great that everyone wants to plagiarize them?

You think I am exaggerating about the copying from Star Wars? In Eragon, an orphaned boy is being raised by his uncle on a farm outside a small city in the middle of nowhere. The orphaned boy was delivered by his mother to the uncle and she mysteriously disappeared. The father is unknown and remains unknown throughout the first book, but believe me I am pretty sure it is one of the evil villains that will turn out to be his dad. Then, the boy finds something that the evil Empire (King of the Empire) wants and the evil empire does.... guess what? Yep, the bad guys torch his uncle's place while the boy is away and managed to kill the uncle. So, who helps the boy on his quest for revenge? An old mysterious man who is wise on many subjects, including the use of magic and starts training the boy on how to levitate rocks and sword play. Sound familiar yet???!!! The book goes on with additional similarities with the rebel force hidden away in a mountain, the evil king corrupted by dark magic, etc....

Then towards the end of the book is a long chase scene that reminds me of Lord of the Rings. In LOTR the group is trying to get to the land of elves for safety and they have to cross that magical river where the water rises up like a wall of white running horses. Yep, I am reading this book and that is what I can't stop thinking of the whole time.

Yet, somehow I was engrossed in this book. With all the cliches (there are more!), I was still on a mission to finish it last night and I think the reason why is that I am sucker for dragons and the author brought them to life for me and gave them a personality, mystery and beauty. It kind of reminded me of how I discovered the Anne McCaffrey books as a youngster at the library all those many years ago. Her books are the main reason I have the dragon tattoo on my back. It started an early fascination with dragons. Now that I think about, he copied stuff from those books as well!

My last thought on the Eragon book is that it was probably published because it is an amazing piece considering the the boy who wrote was about the same age as the character in his book, 15. That may be the main fascination for most people.

And I can't believe this, but one of my goals at the library today is to find his other book so I can read what happens next. Such a sucker!

Bored and procrastinating

2007-08-01T14:06:00.000-07:00

I should be online taking some courses required for work, but I don't want to. Actually, I think I have a long list of things I should be doing and instead I am leaving messages on my friends' myspace pages, reading blogs, drinking coffee, browsing amazon, etc.....but not anything I should be doing.

I found this image and it makes me giggle. It goes with another thought I sometimes keep in the back of my mind, "Keep smiling, it keeps people guessing."

I kind of had a bad day at work yesterday and it happened only 4 hours into a 12 hour shift and it took me a couple hours to get my head back together after that incident. I am still upset by it and think I am just doing mindless stuff now to avoid thinking about it.

So, I took this quiz that was on Newt's page. It says I am daisy, but the family member that made my day miserable at work probably things I am some kind of crab grass.

I am a
Daisy

What Flower
Are You?

A daisy is..."a sweet person. When a friend needs a shoulder to cry on, you are happy to offer yours with a box of tissues as well. Once in awhile, you wish you could be a little more dramatic but then sensibility sets back in and you know that you are perfect the way you are."

I should probably move on to more productive things today. Sigh.....

A portrait of Howie

2007-07-25T07:57:00.000-07:00

The daughter was drawing a picture of one her favoritie friends, Howie the dog. He kind of looks like a rhino with skinny legs, but she was proud of it so I had her sign it. In a way, sometimes Howie is a lot like a rhino with skinny legs. I then told her I was going to feed the picture to the computer. I told her how all that noise was the computer chewing her picture. She didn't buy it. She says, "Mom, I think you are just kidding." She is getting too old to even get her to believe that a computer eats paper.

Can't sleep, clowns will eat me

2007-07-25T06:57:00.001-07:00

At least, I can't sleep well these past two nights. I am not sure if it is the job or the book or just life in general but I can't turn my brain off at night. I have all kinds of active dreams. I wake up and can't get back to sleep. Last night I gave up around 2am and just got up and finished my book I was reading, "Circus of the Damned." I was thinking, maybe that was why I couldn't sleep because I couldn't wait to find out how it ended. I was so close to the end and it was leaving me on the edge of my seat. Nope, finished it and 4am I still can't sleep. I think I fell asleep about 5am and my alarm wakes me up at 5:30 to get to work. Man, I was so close to calling in sick due to lack of sleep.

Here's hoping I get more sleep tonight. Maybe I should read more calmer books and not ones about vampires, zombies and werewolves.......

Musical memories

2007-07-18T10:42:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about all the memories a single song can bring out. It is amazing how much in my life is associated with music. So, I thought I would share my list. My list though is not all inclusive as my memory fades and there are just too many great musical memories.

Listening to my "Jungle Book" album soundtrack at age 7 on my little record player. "Look for the bare necessities...."

The Michael Jackson "Off the Wall" album on dad's awesome stereo system. The speakers were probably 4 feet high. It felt like Michael was in the house singing. I can still almost hear him cry as he sings "She's out of my life." I can't believe I am writing this, but CDs don't sound the same as vinyl. Vinyl is so much warmer and richer.

Discovering Grandma's old vinyl albums 78s of classical pieces by Stravinksy, Dvorak or Brahm, then using her stereo system that would play that speed. It was one of those rectangular long cabinets with sliding doors on the top, a beautiful wooden piece. The sound was amazing. I would sit down and listen to the music with a sketch pad and draw what I felt the music was describing. I overheard my dad tell my mom that I was odd. I wonder where that stereo is now?

Any song by Erasure brings up some great times with friends. One night we were driving around trying to cheer up a friend. We ended up at a dead end road in the country. We stopped the car, left it running with headlights on, Erasure blaring and had our own dance party under the stars.

Then there was the Erasure concert, when we heard this guys behind us say, "Oh my god! These guys are gay!" Yep, the band was and there music was too. I mean their music was happy-gay, not gay-gay. :)

The "Circle of Life" will always remind me of Dana. I miss her and still am saddened that she was killed so young. It took a few years before that song didn't make me cry anymore. Now, I just get some chills when I listen to it.

"Rio" by Duran Duran has many moments for me. Our silly girl band (Modern Modes) when we were like 14 or 15. Friends in college singing that song to me but substiting my name for Rio. That was a very silly night.

"Oye como va" was a song my dad would blare on his stereo until the walls and windows rattled in the house, but I LOVED playing this song in high school band at the football games. I played tenor sax and this song was just a blast to play at those games. Same goes for "Wake me up before you go-go" by Wham. It was a lot of fun for a sax player, even though the song is a bit cheesey.

"Sail away" by Enya. I remember my boyfriend (now my spouse) and I were taking my younger brother and sister somewhere and this song came on the radio. My brother thought the lyrics were "save a whale" and was singing it loudly. To this day, I laugh when I hear that song and sing in my head "save a whale, save a whale, save a whale." It is a great message, right?

"Mustang Sally" and a trip to New Orleans with my future spouse. We had a rental car and it was a burgundy mustang and I swear that song came on the radio just about everyday we drove it.

"Whole of the Moon" by The Waterboys will always remind me of my true friend that did a musical dedication for me on KFOG when I was away at college. She recorded it and mailed it to me for my birthday.

"Ghost Town" by the Specials reminds me of a road trip with two friends and a little music video we made in the middle of nowhere Texas. I think we broke the camera after making that movie, but we still have the video somewhere.

"Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen at the 12/31/92 New Year's Party and banging our heads so much to this song that we nearly fell over from being dizzy.

Listening to Elvis Presley and Frankie Valley and the 4 Seasons on 8-track in my mom's yellow Plymouth Duster on the long roadtrip to visit Grandma every summer.

I think I could on forever and maybe do a book, but that is my list for now. Care to share your musical memory?

Why are there stoplights on the wall?

2007-07-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yep, that is the latest question asked as people enter our ICU at the hospital.

There are large yellow traffic lights with the standard green, yellow and red lights on them hanging on the walls on all the nursing units at the hospital. Why? Noise detectors.

I'll be the first to agree that it is freaking noisy in the hospital, especially during shift change because there is typically double the staff and half of them are talking and giving report on their patients. It also seems that many times during this short 30 minutes is when almost every patient hits the call light and family members call to ask for updates on the patients. Also, xray technicians are roaming and doing the scheduled portable xrays of all our ventillated patients. Pharmacy is dropping medications due at 8am. It can be utter chaos during that 30 minutes.

So, management is on a kick to reduce noise and help the patient's stay be more pleasant. They are even asking us to provide ear plugs to our more alert and awake patients to help them get a better night sleep. Sounds great, right?

Well, except the first week these stop lights were in place, we actually created more noise. Every person who came through that week had to ask what was the traffic light for. We had to explain the theory about quieter units. Then we got to demonstrate how the light worked. If you make a sound loud enough, the red light comes off and emits a loud siren wail. Yep, the noise detector actually makes noise (louder and quite obnoxious) to let you know you are making noise.

Ahhhh, the irony. It made me smile a bit more that week, but now the lights are old hat and it is still noisy and the light goes yellow very often, but never really emits the red siren wail. And, some people have figured out how to adjust the noise detector so it never really goes off.

Oh, and no one knows where all the ear plugs went.

Are some people overcompensated??

2007-06-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

I got into a discussion one day about how athletes and entertainers are paid way too much money for what they do. The person I was talking to (let's call him Frank), felt that other jobs such as firefighters, nurses or teachers should be paid more. I had to play devil's advocate with this topic just to have some fun. I gave it to him that it does seem insane that they pay someone 100s of millions of dollars to play baseball for a couple years or someone makes $10million to be in just 1 movie. I mean if someone gave me $10million to work on a project for a just a couple of months, I am not sure I could justify working again. Really, who could? Unless you start donating a LOT of money. So, I said to Frank that is what a lot of athletes and entertainers do. They do get heavy into charity work.

However, I also argued these people are paid what the market will bear. People put a high price on their team winning or on watching movies or going to concerts. If people weren't willing to pay the prices for this entertainment, then there would be no money for the salaries.

And lastly, I said to Frank (who was a retired high school principle), how many times did you come home from a stressful day at work and allowed a song, a baseball game or a movie to help you forget the bad stuff and just relax and have some fun? How many times growing up did I rely so heavily on music to get me through? I have a lot of fond memories growing up just around music. So, I don't know what kind of price you can put on that therapy, but apparently, it is pretty high.

But...don't get Frank and I started on how little writers and some artists make. I think on that one, him and I may have to agree. They can be sorely underpaid :)

Random thoughts and ponderings

2007-06-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

Some days my job just leaves me without words, not due to exhaustion, but it's sheer ability to amaze me.

I used the word surreal alot and figured I should look it up. One definition I found and I like: "characterized by fantastic imagery and incongruous juxtapositions; "a great concourse of phantasmagoric shadows". Umm, that does describe my job fairly well some days and the Dali picture below.

Sometimes all it takes to fix everything is to close the eyes and take a big breath and let it all out.

Why does my dog constantly bark and attempt to chase squirrels that are running along a telephone wire 30 feet up in the air across our backyard? Does he think he is going to fly there? That the squirrel is dumb enough to think he is a friendly dog and is just saying, "Hi!"?

I discovered sunscreen can expire and if you use expired suncsreen, you will tan or burn, depending on how long you are in the sun.

If you get enough freckles will they all form together to give you one big cohesive tan?

I love coffee. I love jelly bellies. However, the two together are not so good.

I love beer and chocolate and again, not together.

Speaking of which, we need beer in the house. All the beer is gone.

Random flower

2007-06-07T20:18:00.000-07:00

My daughter LOVES to pick flowes. Adores it. One of her favorite activities. Well, on the drive to day care we noticed this flower, duct taped into a little holder on the corner of a busy street. She wanted to pick it. I told her, it would bring more joy to people if it was left there so everyone else could see it also.

We saw this flower about 3 months ago. It is still there. Is someone putting a fresh flower on a regular basis? Is is a fake flower? Isn't it odd that no one has taken it out yet? I wonder if the person who put it there sits somewhere nearby and gets a kick out of the smiles and comments?

And, just about every day the daughter gets all excited because the flower is still there. "Look, Mom! The flower is still there. No one picked it!"

It is a random flower but it brings smiles to our faces.

Like white uniforms are going to save your ass

2007-06-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yeah, a smidge of profanity in that title, but nothing compared to what I was saying most of the day. Our facility is being audited by the Joint Commission on Accreditation (JCAHO). They come around and audit hospitals all the time to make sure they are up to snuff. As you can imagine, management does a great job of scaring the crap out of its employees about the audit. They don't really bother to get you more training or help so that you can actually pass the audit, just lots of scare tactics. "Oh, JCAHO is coming!" There were so many last minute communications that they started to conflict with each other. It was nuts. I decided, I would just make sure I knew our facilities policies and try to do my job as best as I could and hope for the best.

Well, our new manager seemed to think it would be great if we all wore the same color scrubs at work and if everyone would by new white shoes. That idea went over like a lead balloon. I think one brown noser on the unit bought new white shoes. However, the manager outwitted us. She bought everyone white scrubs and whoever showed up the day the audit happened, would have to go back and change.

There is no real warning on the audit and there was no warning on this required costume change. We just know that JCAHO is in the area and will probably be auditing us this month with a "surprise" inspection.

Lucky for me, it was yesterday. Announcement come on over the PA system, "We'd like to welcome the Joint Commission Auditors, etc...." The boss then comes out with the white scrubs and announces we all must change.

So many problems with this situation. Only one bathroom to change in and it is a 1 banger, meaning small with 1 toilet. The breakroom was then turned into an impromptu locker room as people franctically tried to change as I tried to eat my breakfast in there. People were wearing lots of interesting underwear which could easily be seen through these cheap, white thin scrubs. And, everyone could see my tattoo on my back ALL day. "Oh, is that a dragon!" That is how thin these scrubs were. "Oh, how cute. All in white? Are caps next?" My favorite comment from a doctor, "You guys are freaking me out. I thought I had walked into a psych ward."

But the thing that irked me the most was that our manager seemed to think that if we all did this it would somehow help us pass muster. It just seemed so staged and fake. No one wears whites anymore unless you are in nursing school. I bet if she had her way we'd be in those white caps also. I am also pretty sure, the auditors won't be distracted by a lot nurses in white scrubs.

Boy, did I curse a LOT that day under my breath. So glad I am off the next 6 days.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

2007-05-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

Mother's Day wasn't a Hallmark-moment day for me. I worked the whole day and got home at 8:30pm. It is no big deal, I don't really want a big deal made out of mother's day. I guess, I don't really feel like a mom most days, eventhough I really am.

However, I had a few thoughts about being a mom today as my daughter and I enjoyed a lazy morning and later as I checked some emails.

Before kids, I always heard people saying how much kids change your life. The changes they create can't even begin to be imagined until you have one of your own. You may think you understand that phrase, but you don't, unless you have had a child.

The center of your world shifts. Your attitude shifts. Your worries and concerns change. The way you see yourself changes. Sometimes just watching your child do the simplest of things can just inspire awe in the fact that you are responsible for her being here and that starts a cycle of thought, thinking about how your mom must have felt looking at you and her mom felt about her, etc, etc. You begin to think about moms through the generations and if they didn't do what I am doing now, I wouldn't be here.

You watch your child discover new things, learn new words, apply concepts and it is fascinating to see their little brains grow and soak in everything. The simple truths that start to come out of their mouths, such as this morning when my daughter says, "Mom, you work too many days." Which was true because I had just finished working 4 straight 12 hour shifts and had seen her for all of about 4 hours in as many days. Or when at the coffe shop she comments that a particular woman has long hair and a big tummy, which was true (the woman was quite obese). Thank goodness, she hasn't learned the word "fat" yet and I hope she didn't over hear the 3 year old's observations.

And as I was discussing with another mom, when you have a child you starting seeing that you are making changes in your life to be a better person, striving to be a positive influence for them. I don't make a big deal about bad drivers with her in the car. I try to eat healthier and exercise more. I go to the library more and read to her more. You just want to be more and you want so much more for your child.

"I'm not cute....."

2007-05-10T07:49:00.000-07:00

When I became a mom, I thought like many new moms do, that I would want her to have an even better life than me and hopefully be a better person for it. One thing I struggle with is her having strong self-confidence and self-esteem. Things I am lacking in.

Last year when Grandma was visiting she was teaching my daughter to accept compliments. Grandma would say, "You're such a pretty girl" and she wouldn't know what to say to that. Grandma said, "You say 'Thank you.' "

Yesterday I was admiring the fashion-plate that is my daughter. We got back from a long day at the beach and she decided she wanted to change clothes; Pale pink jeans, darker peachy pink long sleeve sparkly butterfly shirt with a mint green short sleeve shirt over that (It had pink and sparkly cupcakes on it so she had to have it on also, the more sparkle the better.), a pink baseball cap with more butterflies and flip-flops. I guess I should have taken a picture.

So, I say to her, "You are cute." She looks kind of shy and doesn't say anything. I said, "Didn't Grandma say you were supposed to say 'Thank you' when someone says that?"

She gets this sassy look on her face like she is going to gave me the two-snaps and a neck swivel and says, "I'm not cute. I am beautiful!"

So, what can you say to that? Self-esteem issues? I think not.

Just wanted to share some pictures

2007-05-09T06:30:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks back we had a free Saturday as a family which is rare these days with my working every other weekend. So, the hubby and I said we needed some San Francisco time. We drove up first thing to the Pier 39 and wanderered around, looked at seals, bought some jewelry (for moi!) and had our traditional clam chowder in the sourdough bread bowl. It isn't the best chowder in the world, but for us it is about the bowl, the location and memories shared on Pier 39.

Afterwards, I took a few wrong turns following the Scenic Drive signs out of the city and ended up at China Beach. In all my years in the Bay Area, I had never been here. It was like our own personal beach. Of course the daughter had to play in the water. The pictures show it was overcast, but surprisingly, it wasn't that cold. It was a smidge muggy. Just ignore the hubby in the hat. That man is ALWAYS cold! The daughter on the other hand was down to her shirt and panties playing in the water before long.

So, enjoy the pictures. I enjoyed being there and taking them.

Thoughts on Fear

2007-04-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

Fear can be a great motivator. It can drive you to do amazing things to survive dangerous situations or drive you to overcome obstacles in life. I also see how it can hold you back. The fear of the unknown, fear of failure and sometimes even fear of success can hold you back. It is a topic I brood upon often.

Years ago I saw the 1991 movie "Defending Your Life" on t.v. The premise is that when you die, you must defend your life to a panel of judges and prove that you lived life with courage and overcame your fears in life. If you couldn't prove this, you were sent back and reincarnated to try it all over again. It is an interesting premise and one I have thought about often since seeing the movie.

I can remember as a kid being told by my stepdad to try new things, even if the fear of it had me shaking in my boots and crying, "I don't want to!!" Over the years, I don't think most of my friends would call me fearful or timid. I try lots of new things and have taken a few calculated risks and some not so calculated. I have conquered a lot of fears, but I think there a few more to overcome. I still see a cloud of fear hanging over parts of my life.

For example, people say that we all have some inner dream we want to have fullfilled. Some will say they are living their dreams. Others will tell you what they dream about and others, like me, tend to not really say their true dreams. Why aren't people pursing their dream? Fear of failure? Fear of the risks involved? Fear of rejection from friends and family? Fear of change? I say these same fears keep people like me kind of quiet about our real dreams too.

But, how about this? If those fears are holding me back from my dream, is it really my dream? If it was really my dream, wouldn't I do what I could to achieve it?

See, I think sometimes I think too much.

Ah, for the love of books. Swoon....

2007-03-23T08:56:00.000-07:00

As you may remember, I rediscovered one of my early loves in life, reading. As a youngster I loved art and reading so much I wasn't sure I would be an artist or an author. Funny how life turns out, but I am now neither.

However, the darkness had settled in my head over the past few days. It was bad. I remembered how much going to the gym cheered me up, so after a day of sloth and depression. I went to the gym and felt better. But what really helped me turn the corner was picking up a novel the night before. It was a novel I had picked up at the library about two weeks prior by an author a friend recommended. It was the only book I could find by her at the time in the library. It was "Stroke of Midnight" by Laurell K. Hamilton.

The book took off slowly for me because I was expecting it to be about vampires. She has written a whole series about Anita Blake Vampire Hunter. When I picked up the book at the library I was kind of distracted by my daughter so I just grabbed it thought it might make for some fun reading later. It turned out to be about faeries living in the modern world. What a crazy concept but I was suckered in and finished the book wicked fast. I was so lost in the story and the descriptions of the faerie folk. Now I am obssessed with finding the rest of the books in this series. Forget the vampire hunter stuff for now. I want more faeries!

"The ICU is like Las Vegas"

2007-03-21T11:04:00.000-07:00

Yep, I heard that quote in a class I took last summer as part of my new hire training for the ICU. That quote is so true and I have used it with my patients and my patients' families. The quote applies really well, especially since the ad compaign came out about Las Vegas..."What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." I think about that quote quite often.

Why is the ICU like Las Vegas? There are lots of bright flashing lights. The action never stops, even at night. Actually, the action seems to increase at night. Like a Vegas a casino, the ICU is so disorienting and confusing (as a patient and visitor), you can't quite remember how to find the exit door. And lastly, what happens in the ICU stays in the ICU and many times as patient you will come away and not be able to remember your stay at all. However, unlike Vegas, your odds are better in the ICU. You have an approximate 75% chance of living. In Vegas, the odds of winning anything are MUCH lower. I could go on and list even more ways they are similiar, but I think most would agree they would enjoy their stay in Vegas more than a stay in the ICU. I know I'd prefer to be outside and living life almost anywhere versus being sick enough to be in ICU bed.

However, this little story has helped a few patients and their families when they are being confronted with such a severe illness, especially if this is their first hospitalization. Recently I used part of this analogy for a patient to explain how it works in the ICU and not be embarassed by anything in here and not to worry about putting us nurses out for doing things for him. I told him, staying here is like that ad from Vegas, "What happens in the ICU stays in the ICU." It helped him smile and get over the uncomfortable feelings of being sick and needing help to do the basics in life.

That quote sometimes help me smile about the craziness I see in my job. Sometimes, it is a very good thing that the things that happen in the ICU stay there. That being said, I think I am ready for a trip to Vegas. Those indoor gardens at the Bellagio were beautiful.

To Gym or Not to Gym

2007-03-13T08:52:00.000-07:00

I recenly joined a gym because the husband was finally interested and we are a dual income family again. Also, my new job has a discount plan with a local gym and the daughter loved the kid zone in there.

So the other day I was soooooooooooo tired that I figured I would just lay down somewhere warm all day and do nothing. Of course, I know if I do that I will feel guilt for days afterwards over the wasted time and ALL the things I SHOULD have done and NEED to be done. It really is a vicious mental cycle I put myself through. I realized the mental guilt fest was starting and found whatever energy I could muster to go to that gym.

I found one last eliptical trainer not being used. I got on and in a half tired daze just starting moving. 10 minutes and I am still doing this so I start increasing the intensity. 20 minutes and I am starting to be amazed at myself for evening getting passed 10 minutes. 30 minutes and I thought I need to save some energy for the weight training.

So, I start working the muscles and realize how awesome it is to feel the strain of your muscles to lift heavy objects. In some strange way it is a release for me. I feel my strength. I am aware of how healthy I feel. I complete weight training and on to cool down.

I stretch out like a cat and enjoy the feeling of my muscles being pulled to new limits. A slow warm pain, but a good pain. When I release a stretch, my body says "Ah, that was perfect. Maybe one more?"

Then I head for the locker room to prepare for the reward that this whole workout has led to. . . a in the hot tub and some time in the dry sauna. Ahhhh, wonderful heat, forcing out the sweat and bad feelings in the body and my head. I love the sensation in the dry sauna of the water from the hot tub evaporating at the same time you are sweating.

Afterwards, I my face is red, hair is wet but I am happy. To gym today was a great thing.

Cool stuff in Blogland

2007-03-07T19:41:00.000-08:00

I was reading one of the nursing magazines that now show up at my door now. I only pay for one from the AACN, but suddenly I am getting lots of other free ones too. They say, "Act soon. Your subscription is running out" or "This is the last one, we mean it" and yet they keep coming. Anywho, I digress.

The article was about a blog from an ER nurse in the SF Bay Area. Her blog (emergiblog) was getting so much attention she was winning awards and had to change the site to a different server to handle the traffic and interest. So, I checked it out. She had a post there, "I code dead people" that touched a real nerve with me . I have ranted the same thing with my co-workers and sometimes with my friends and poor husband. ( I fear some day he may tire of the hospital stories).

Then, I noticed that there was this long list of other nurses who also blog. I spent the next hour reading nurses blog and ran across a few that nearly fit my profile...the high tech reject that made a mid-career-life change and started nursing. Wow, the people you find in blog land. It almost has me singing, "It's a small world...."

Blogland can really suck up a lot of time from your day.

When did it happen!?!?!

2007-02-23T05:50:00.000-08:00

I had a birthday recently and I have been wrapped up in memories. I find myself amazed at how time moves so fast. I don't feel as old as the years say. Sometimes I still feel like the 20-something who just finished college, single and just starting to make it in a career. Gosh, what happened to the years?!!?

I am falling asleep by 10pm. Waking up at 5:30am. I have a marriage, a mortgage, a daughter, 401(k) and constantly catch myself in conversations about retirement, potty training, public education and what happened on the Disney Channel today. The student loans are paid. Cars are paid off. I can't remember the last time I went to a happy hour or a night out dancing. I see wrinkles around the eyes and kinky grey hairs popping out of the top of my head.

I also realize that I have known some of my friends for 23 and 24 years now. That is a long time. Lots of people don't even stay married that long. Weren't those friends and I just dancing in the middle of the night to Erasure, Depeche Mode, OMD or New Order?!? We sit around and talk about how concert tickets are so expensive now and remember when you could see "Day on the Green" with the Pretenders and U2 for around $20?!? We talk about how all kinds of things are so expensive now. Some movies are now going straight to DVD and skipping VHS. No one goes to record stores anymore. We download from online stores. Thus, the closing of Tower Records.

My husband and I realized for the first time that we had seen all three of the animated films nominated for Oscar this year, but none of the movies up for Best Picture. He did although see "The Departed" while I was at the Doodlebops concert.

Then we look around and realize we sound like our parents! When did that happen?

Wow....what happened. And why am I so tired all the time??!

A matter of perspective

2007-02-13T15:26:00.000-08:00

I had a couple of weekdays off and the plan was to finally take the Ford minivan in for an oil change and fix a quirky electrical problem. The place I take the cars to is a little over a mile from our house, so I usually drop the car off and walk home and walk back to get it.

On this day, I called my husband to see where he was in the drive home. I asked him if he could pick up the daughter at daycare. It was getting late and the car still wasn't done. He agreed and said no problem.

The phone rings at 4:25pm. It is the husband. He is stranded at daycare. The car's serpentine belt was shredded. He said he was going to get it towed to our mechanic and by the way, his cell phone battery is low.

Great! I am pissed. Another car bill. Who knows what this will cost. I call the mechanic to ask when the minivan will be ready for pick up. They say it has been done. (Gee, thanks for the call fellas!!) I tell them our Chevy Lumina is coming in next. I call the husband and tell him I will start walking over to the mechanic's and meet him there.

I am stewing. My mind is racing around lots of angry frustrated thoughts. Can the daughter ride in a tow truck with the car seat? How much will the minivan repairs be? The Lumina's? How long will it take to fix? I hate owning these lame American used cars. We should really look into buying a new car, etc, etc. My mind is doing this all the way to the shop.

The van is ready. $200 in repairs. Now, I sit and wait as the car seat will work in the tow truck. I then start doing some math. Overall, it is cheaper to own and repair an used car versus buying a brand new one. We have no payments now. We may spend $1000 or so for all three used cars in maintenance a year, although it is higher some years than others. One year I think we approached $5000. Still, cheaper. Did I mention my mind was racing.

Then, the tow truck arrives. I see the daughter sitting up in the cab with a huge grin and waving with excitement. When the truck stops, she runs out and over to me screaming all the way, "Mommy! I rode in a yellow tow-mater!!!" (A reference to the move "Cars")

This was an exciting adventure to her. One she will go on to talk about for days. I see that reaction and can't do anything but smile. It'll be ok. They are just cars. It is just money. At least we have both. And how often do you get to ride in a yellow tow-mater. Yep, it is all a matter of perspective.

I can read again!!

2007-02-01T06:42:00.000-08:00

It is a bit of a joke amongst my friends that I don't read anymore. It's true.

Back in the day, I was always reading some novel. All kinds of books. I even had a job in college at the library where I read even more books. I just loved to read from a young age. I remember trying to read everything by Roald Dahl in the 3rd grade. I was reading Tolkien in 5th grade. I was always at the library looking for some new interesting book. I was on a quest at one point to read every book that won the Newberry Award. I loved the world that opened up to you in books. I used to write down quotes from books on scraps of paper, on my notebooks or in old journals. At one point, I thought I was going to be a writer when I grew up.

The past few years though, I just stopped reading for fun. I was reading for school. I was reading for work. I was writing user manuals for work and papers for school. I was reading trade magazines and books on writing in java script. Next I was reading books on anatomy and microbiology. Next thing I know, I am with friends talking about all the books they are reading and the movies coming out based on these books and I said outloud, "I am illiterate. I don't read anymore." It got a few laughs and it came to be my thing with my friends. Two years ago, one of my friends loaned me "The Da Vinci Code" ( they were thinking it might get me on track to read again) and I managed to read that. It was a fast, easy read. It was a weak, lackluster writing style, but the story was fast paced and interesting so I finished, but nothing since then.

Last week on a whim I picked up two novels at the library. I have been introducing my kid to the fun of going to the library, browsing through books and bringing one home. I was beginning to enjoy children's books. There are so many interesting stories and you can read them in 5 minutes. My husband came this time so I had a few extra minutes to browse by myself. I picked up, "The five people you meet in heaven" by Mitch Albom. I finished it last night! I enjoyed the imagery. I closed my eyes once in awhile to savor a few passages. It was wonderful.

The book made me happy in two ways. One, it showed me reading is fun again. A book could touch you and take you places. Two, it presented some wonderful thoughts about life and death. One of my favorite passages from the book is: "Lost love is still love . . . It takes a different form, that's all . . . Memory becomes your partner. You nuture it. You hold it. You dance with it. Life has to end. Love doesn't."

I immediately picked up my next little fun read from the library called, "Clemency Pogue: Fairy Killer" by JT Petty. Already loving it. I can see the places the book describes and feel the textures. I am hooked.

I can read again!!!

I am beginning to understand

2007-01-26T15:29:00.000-08:00

When I tell people I work as an ICU nurse, many think I am crazy or amazed at how I am able to work in that kind of environment. I didn't fully understand their responses until this past week. I would say, "Yeah, it is a bit stressful, but it isn't that bad. I like it so far." That was the old "ignorance is bliss me" talking.

Simply said, most people in the ICU are VERY sick. Sick, like teetering on the brink of death or already with one foot over the edge. As Dr Dorian on "scrubs" said, "So many people die in the ICU you begin to think Death is your co-worker." These last few months as I was being trained to work the unit, that concept really wasn't sinking in. I never participated in a "code blue" drill. I had seen some people die, but I knew they had fought the long hard battle and were done and it was probably their time. It was a peaceful death for someone, a welcomed release from the mortal coils. For the most part though, I saw people live and the work I did seemed beneficial.

However, I saw first hand this past week that anyone can go at any given moment. Someone you would least expect. I had two patients. One, talking to me all day. His family talking to me. Everything stable. The other patient, she was dying from lung cancer and the family decided to withdraw all support and just keep her comfortable until she died. She was taken off a ventillator and wasn't expected to last 30 minutes. Almost 9 hours later she was still alive, not responsive, resting calmly, but still breathing. However, my other patient was dead. It happened in an instant. He was talking to me one moment and the next, I had to call a "code blue". We did chest compressions, gave medications, shocked him, tried to get him to breath, to respond, anything. 45 minutes later, the doctors called a time a death.

I heard the wife scream in agony in the waiting room after the doctor told them. After I restored some sense of calmness to the patient's room and cleared away the signs of the chaos, I ushered the crying family members into the room to see him. I offered hugs, tissue and water and tried not to cry with them. I briefly explained what had happened, but all I could think was "I am so sorry."

All my co-workers give me this knowing look as they realize it was my first real "code" and they tell me it will be ok, but I said, "It is not ok." I think about the loss this will be for the family. It just saddened me and it didn't feel ok at all. I get to go home now and be with my family and this family now has to deal with funeral arrangements and decisions on whether there should be an autopsy.

But, a few days later I am feeling a little better. I talked to some friends and a mentor. The other concept I am beginning to fully understand is that we all die sometime. Immortality is unnatural. We just do the best we can with the time we have and try not to worry about when our time will end. My job is to do my best for the patient and realizing that sometimes, the best will no stop death from coming.

What is a meme?

2007-01-07T10:18:00.000-08:00

So, as mentioned before, I am new to blogging and was reading a friend's blog that had an "ABC meme." It looked like a fun writing exercise and so here is my version of it. I hope I am not going against blogger etiquette for using someone's meme but based on the article I found on wikipedia I think we are supposed to copy and continue them on. I got it from Newt's Muse

The Letter A
Are you agnostic? I dunno maybe? Isn't that the definition of agnostic?Someone sitting on the fence about the existence of God or some higher being? I do not believe in the god described in man's religions. If something like God does exist, it has been completely corrupted by the writings of mankind.

What is your age? Too old to be trusted by people under 30, but not quite old enough for "Murder She Wrote"

What annoys you? People with bad cell phone habits and etiquette

The Letter B
Do you like bacon? In extreme moderation. I think I eat it less than 5 times a year

When is your birthday? February

Who is your best friend? Married him, but before him, she knows who she is :)

The Letter C
What is your favorite candy? I haven't met very many candies I don't like, but just about any chocolate candy works for me and Jelly Belly jelly beans.

Who is your crush? Dr Cox on "scrubs", the new James Bond and the new SuperMan., Kurt Russell, Brendan Fraser. Actually, I am thinking of the people on "my list."

When was the last time you cried? When I wrote my last blog

The Letter D
Do you daydream? Yes, rarely. Usually too busy.

What is your favorite kind of dog? I like just about all dogs, but for a dog I can bring home, I prefer a rescue pup or pound puppy. I'm a mutt and I prefer a mutt.

What day of the week is it? Sunday, but I started this a couple days ago.

The Letter E
How do you like your eggs? Scrambled with soyrizo.

Have you ever been in the emergency room? Yes, as an intern EMT and as a patient ages ago. I walk thru one every day on my way to work.

What’s the easiest thing to ever do? Say "yes"

The Letter F
Have you ever flown in a plane? Yes, along with millions of others. Nothing special there. Now, ask me I have jumped out of a plane. Yes!!

Do you use fly swatters? We have no flies. I am not sure they sell them here.

Have you ever used a foghorn? Nope, but I wish I had one on my VW

Letter G
Do you chew gum? Hell yeah! I'm chewing some now. My husband and daughter are now hooked. We prefer the sugar-free varieties., currently it is Altoids Cinnamon and the white flavor :)

Are you a giver or taker? I am a mom. I giveth and I taketh away.

The Letter H
How are you? Just peachy

What’s your height? Shorter than a 20 ' lime tree, but taller than a 5' dwarf lemon tree.

What color is your hair? Clairol Auburn, if I remember correctly

The Letter I
What is your favorite ice-cream? Haagan Daas Dulce de Leche and Birthday Cake Remix at Coldstone

Have you ever ice-skated? Yes. Last time was in the front yard of an in-laws in St Paul MN in February.

Do you play an instrument? Yes, I can play a tenor sax, clarinet, alto and soprano recorder and last year I took some beginning piano classes

The Letter J
What is your favorite jelly bean? Hmmm... all of them except the Harry Potter flavors and Jalapeno

Do you wear jewelry? Duh! I am girl.

Have you heard a really hilarious joke? Oh yeah, everytime the freakin' president has a press conference. However, that is a very painful joke most of the time.

The Letter K
Who do you want to kill? Uh, no one. Who would ever honestly answer this question? Like killing someone ever solved anything.

Do you want kids? Life answered that question for me. I have one.

Where did you have kindergarten? I didn't go. My school district was full, so I stayed home for kindergarten and just went to 1st grade when I was 6.

The Letter L
Are you laid-back? Depends on my mood and situation, but I do worry a lot, internally.

Do you lie? Occasionally, but typically I am too blunt, candid and honest to a painful point

Do you love anyone? Yep, a few people come to mind

The Letter M
What is your favorite movie? I have asked myself and husband this question and I have narrowed it down to 10 movies I would want with me on a desert island. Raiders of the Lost Ark is #1 on that list.

Do you still watch Disney movies? Yes, I have a 3 year old wanna-be princess in the house.

Do you like mangos? Yes..mango ice cream, fresh mango, mango salsa, dried mango.....

The Letter N
Do you have a nickname? Norm. It is from high school and no one has really come up with a more clever one since then. It was a reference to the TV show "Cheers."

What is your favorite number? 3 and my favorite age was 25.

Do you prefer night or day? Probably night. It is quieter. I love a starry warm night driving with the convertible top down.

The Letter O
What is your one wish? Good health for my friends and family and then world peace

Are you an only child? No, I have 1 and maybe 2 step-brothers (depends on the laws of marriages, etc). 3 Half-brothers (2 I have never met). 1 half-sister. Oh, and due to a recent' re-marry by my mom, I also have 2 other step-brothers and a step-sister.

Do you wish this year was over? No, it just started and too much to enjoy and look forward to

The Letter P
What is one fear that you are most paranoid about? Husband dying in a car crash driving home from work.

What personality trait would you look for in someone you wanted to date? Sense of humor and loads of patience and lucky me found both in my guy!!

The Letter Q
Are you quick to judge people? Yes, but I am quick to change my mind with more conclusive data comes in.

The Letter R
Do you think you are always right? Nope, but I do hate being wrong

Do you watch reality T.V.? Yes, my husband hooked me on "Survior", which is more like a game show. It definitely isn't "real".

What is a good reason to cry? To release pent up emoti0ns

The Letter S
Do you prefer sun or rain? I love the sun, but there is nothing like a wonderful winter rain in February or a foggy day anytime of the year.

Do you like snow? It is fabulous to visit, but wouldn't want to live in it.

The Letter T
What time is it? 5:58 PM

What time did you wake up? 7:30-ish a.m.

When was the last time you slept in a tent? Last summer

The Letter U
Are you wearing underwear? Always. 100% cotton is the only way to go.

The Letter V
What is the worst veggie? cauliflower

Where do you want to go on vacation? Spain

What was your last family vacation together? Disneyland last November

The Letter W
What is your worst habit? Over eating

Where do you live? Northern California

The Letter X
Have you ever had an X-ray? Yes, but I think X-ray vision would be cooler.

Have you ever seen the X-Games? Yeah, they were in San Francisco once when I saw them.

Do you own a xylophone? It is a toy one shaped like an aligator that can be dragged around by a toddler. I can play "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" on it.

The Letter Y
Do you like the color yellow? Not particularly, but I love safety yellow on a car . . . less likely to be missed. Due to fear above, I want my husband's next car to be safety yellow.

What year were you born in? In the Age of Aquarius

What do you yearn for most? Inner peace and smaller waistband.

The Letter Z
What is your Zodiac Sign? Aquarius

Do you believe in the Zodiac? Nope, but it is amusing to read horoscopes and talk about who you soulmate would be according to the stars. Can't be any less accurate than those lame psychology personality tests.

What is your favorite zoo animal? Gorillas. I think they are so sad and fascinating to watch in the zoo. Would a human be that calm stuck in a pen at the zoo? And their eyes....very deep, dark eyes.

Whew! That only took a couple days to finish.

My late night artist

2007-01-05T07:04:00.000-08:00

The last couple of weeks our lovely little 3 year old has turned bedtime in a record setting event of how many times can she get up and bother her parents with silly requests and statements that she has to go potty. It is driving us mad. It has driven us to start reading the parenting books again, something we haven't done in a long while. So, we have been working with her and talking to and doing the stuff the books and internet sites have said to do. Last night she didn't go to bed until after 11pm, but what happened was awesome.

I was staying up late dealing with my latest addiction (the TV show, "Scrubs"). She had only been up once for the bathroom, which was a huge improvement. I heard her in her room rustling around, but she didn't come out and then around 11pm she came out with this amazing piece of artwork and said she had made it for me. Below is her masterpiece:

She has never created a piece like this before. She has colored coloring book pictures and done some crayon work, but this by far was the most amazing. And she came out of her room, all calm and sparkly-eyed and I think a smidge proud. I wasn't mad she was up. I was amazed by the creativity, explanations of what was in this picture.

She pointed out the red flower she put in there. It was in honor of the potted mini roses she had seen at the store earlier today and had wanted to bring home. She also said there are sheep and pink flowers in it. I thanked her and complimented her artwork. She beamed. She had one final visit to the bathroom and was off to sleep. I just love looking at it. I may need to frame it for our bedroom.

The negative to it, she used a scrap piece of paper from our recycle pile so there is some printing on it, but I guess that just makes the piece more environmentally friendly.

I am frustrated, so I write this blog

2007-01-03T19:31:00.000-08:00

I was initially going to sit down and type about the day I had a work. I left the hospital today not knowing whether I should cry, scream, hit something or drink heavily. I will keep the summary of my day short by saying I was nearly 2 hours behind on every task until about 1 hour before my shift ended. It was also the last day of my orientation. The next time I work, I will be totally on my own. No more training wheels. So...what do you think? I think I need to cry, scream, hit something and drink heavily!

Then, I got home and had a nice family dinner with a glass of wine. I chatted online with my mom and a friend. I got happier and less angry and frustrated. However, I am still a tad frustrated. I have the cursing now under control.

So, I would like to instead list things that I am happy for and that make me happy and thus hopefully, therapeutically and release all that negative energy. Here it goes (in no particular order):

My health and my family's health (see other rant regarding this)
I married my best friend, the one who I could actually spend eternity with on a deserted island The singing voice on my 3 year old
My dog's big brown doe eyes
My house, shack that it is, it is a roof over our heads with a yard for the kid and dog
My mom: she really did a lot for us kids and continues to do so
A working car
My job: most days the job does make me happy and is very rewarding
My soft warm bed
Flannel pajamas
Lotion: my hands love it more after a long day of handwashing at work
Beer and the people who make good beer
Music: so many kinds of wonderful sounds for almost every mood
Comedies and comedians: laughter is sooooooo awesome and necessary to sustain life
Massages
Shoe shopping
Jewerly shopping
Having enough money to buy the above items when out shopping
Chocolate: how could I forget that special item that is so healthy for you too!
Fall leaves
The beach: no matter what the weather is, I need the sound of those waves and the feel of sand under my feet
Naps
My child saying "I am happy" or "I love you, Momma" or "I'm tired and am ready for bed" (still waiting for that last one)
Driving a 1978 VW convertible on a nice summer night when the moon is full or the sky is full of starts. I just love the sound of the wind and the purr of the engine.
Babysitting offers from the family
Car shopping, but not buying.
Coffee: some days just wouldn't be possible without
Good friends and good conversations
Silence
Walking in the evening
A good stretch
Phone calls from someone you haven't heard from in a long time
Disneyland
Fog
San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39 on an early Saturday morning before all the tourists and traffic arrive
Hugs

Wow. I do feel better and I am sure that list isn't complete. I may have to add more to it later.

My latest happy thing

2006-12-30T19:42:00.000-08:00

I have been on the look-out for a good laugh outloud comedy for quite some time, but I just don't watch a lot of tv. I need comedy. Need the laugh. So, the other day on a whim, I saw that this sitcom, "Scrubs" was playing re-runs on the Comedy Channel. I set it up to record on my Dish DVR (aka TiVo knock-off) and I have been laughing ever since. Oh my goodness, what an outrageously silly and funny show, but also at times so full of touching truth. I can't believe it took me 3 years (or is it 4 that the show has been out) to finally watch it.

So, it has me laughing and I am hooked. Maybe it isn't my latest happy thing...I think it is more like my latest addiction. I've watched it 3 days in a row which makes that 12 episodes from Comedy Channel. I was so disappointed to see it won't be on the next two days!! At this rate though, I could be caught up to the latest season in another week or so.

In the meantime, I think I need a Dr Cox poster for my room or something so I can gave him a fake kiss on the lips or slap on the ass everyday (maybe both!). Aw, sweet Dr Cox with his crazy facial expressions and long, LONG rants. My hero. Swoon.

A pet peeve lately

2006-12-28T20:29:00.000-08:00

Oh, in the old days I had so many pet peeves, I practically had a zoo, a menagerie. So many little things to tick me off. I have mellowed though and my list is shorter. I rant less often. However, I caught myself ranting lately about this inane little quote that I see tagged on those humorous emails. You know, the emails that have all these cute life lessons in them or the fun reason why chocolate should be considered a health food or why beer is good for you (I think it is, isn't it??), etc. Then at the end of the email is that quote about how I rather end up sliding into my grave, partied out versus old and well preserved. I am summarizing the quote since I don't have it memorized and I typically delete it after it illicits a wry little smile from me.

Why does it bother me? I guess it is a by-product of the new job. I see lots of people who lived their life vicariously and end up in the ICU regretting it or so comatose they can't regret it and in the worse of cases, they lived their lives so wild and crazy they are sick beyond recovery and no one is left in their life to have any regrets for them (except for me, I suppose). I read that quote and I think the person dying in this hospital bed obviously felt the same way at some point. That they were living life to the fullest when in fact they were just killing themselves with overindulgences. I see them there in the bed and I am thinking they are full of regret, pain and loneliness and not one of them saw their lives becoming so drastically altered, at 41 or 49 and sometimes a very young 21 or 25 year old.

I think the majority of people wished they could live to that quote, but only a few really do, fortunately. I'd like to live according to a more moderate life philosophy. One, where you do things in moderation, not excess or deprivation. Life is meant to be enjoyed, but you should also cherish it. It is a fragile thing. Truly fragile.

Basically, far too many times we all take our health for granted. How many times has someone asked if you could have anything in the world? Did you say, "Good health and the ability to die in my sleep at the ripe old happy age of 100."? Nah, most of you would say, "I'd like to win the lotto" or "Write the Great American Novel". However, it would be hard to do or enjoy either without some decent health to get you there.

Yeah, I suppose I am in a dark ranting mood today. Best I should shuffle off to go listen to my old "Smiths" cassette tapes....if I could only find a tape player.......

Shout it out loud

2006-12-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

I love music. Nothing special about that. Lots of people love music. Every once in awhile I hear a song that really strikes an emotional chord with me. Recently, it is a new song from Amos Lee. Everytime my local radio station (kfog.com) plays it I have turn the volume to 10 and sometimes, shout it out with Lee.

It reminds me of my old office job and why I chose my new career. However, music and poetry are so similiar, in that each song and poem can mean many things to many people. Here are the lyrics. Maybe it will mean nothing to you or something altogether different.

"Shout Out Loud"

A thousand empty windows

And only half the lights are out

I wonder what these people's lives

What they might be all about

Do they got a lover

And could they have a family

Could it be they're just as lonesome

As you and me

I wanna shout out

Shout out loud

Why don't you all

Just come on out

And we can

Tear it all down, yeah

White lights burning

Down an empty avenue

I wonder if their driver

Found someone he can go on home to

I wanna shout out

Shout out loud

Why don't you all

Just come on out

And we can

Tear it all down, yeah

Cause everybody's got a part in the game

And everybody's got a cross they can claim

And everybody's got somebody to blame

But we all must find our own way, yeah yeah

I wanna shout out

Shout out loud

You can listen to his song at http://www.amoslee.com/music.php

PS: "I wish I was a punk rocker" by Sandi Thom TOTALLY ROCKS!!! Makes me wish my stereo went to 11 on the volume dial. http://www.sandithom.com/site/audio.php

A Red-Letter Day

2006-12-06T16:12:00.000-08:00

I developed this habit a few years ago of marking a red X on my calendar at work to designate a good day. I disliked my job so much back then, I started to try and accentuate the positive. Everytime I got a little down about the current day, I could look on my calendar for a red letter and remember the reason(s) I put it there and feel a littler better.

So, in keeping with that, I would like to share my wonderful red-letter day this past Sunday with my daughter. It was one those rewarding, rare moments you need to document to make up for the HOURS of torture and hard work that child-raising can be. Our daughter is a strong, free-spirited, must-be-the-lead-dog kind of child. She is only 3 and we are always butting heads on just the basics of the everyday....like washing hands after going to the bathroom, saying "please", getting dressed, don't run off in the mall ... the list is endless! However, from what I hear, this is common of all 3 year olds.

Back to that red-letter day. She woke up in a wonderful mood. We were going to spend the day putting up the Christmas decorations. She said her pleases with no queenly proclamations such as, "I am thirsty!" She picked out clothes to wear that were actually appropriate for the weather and matched. She dressed herself. She announced that she washed her hands after going potty (and she wasn't lying about it). She combed her hair all by herself. She was grinning with pride at all these accomplishments. I heaped on the praise for all the jobs well-done. She says, "Mommy, you are not made, are you?" I said, "Nope. You are being such a big girl today." It was so pleasant, practically perfect.

Christmas music was playing and she loved it. The decorations were going up (only a few minor curses from the husband dealing with lights blowing fuses). The sun was shining on a crisp day. Ahhh, just a brilliant red-letter day. (Can you see me smiling?)

Then, later that night as we sat in the living room admiring our Christmas decorations, I jokingly asked, "So, do you think we have enough decorations up?" My husband said, "You mean we actually have some left?" (Of course not, silly!) Our daughter puts her finger to her chin and says, "No. We still need pink presents." (Pink is her fav color and her grandparents said they are sending her "pink presents" for Christmas).

I'll be smiling over this day for quite awhile.

PS: Out of curiousity I wanted to know where the expression "red letter day" comes from and found this site: http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Article1391.html

People watching

2006-11-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

I'm a people watcher. I find it amusing to see the impractical shoes people where to the airport or amusement park. Nothing like trying to lug about 100lbs of luggage around wearing a pair of high heels or run through a large airport to catch your connection the same silly shoes. It is also interesting to notice how oblivious people can be to being watched. Sometimes I feel like Jane Goodall, observing my fellow humans in their natural environments and they seem to not even notice me. It's good cheap entertainment. You can see underwear adjustments, nose picking, trips, spills, creative clothing selections, and so on.

Sometimes, the entertainment can become info-tainment and you learn something. Like, the other day standing in line at the grocery store. Myself and several other people watchers had shocked and upset facial expressions as we heard a father berate his young child. She may have been 7, but the tone in his voice and the things he said, were just downright ugly, mean and wrong to say to anyone at any age. So, I looked at my cheeky 3 yr old driving us nuts today and made a mental note to self, to not do that to her, anywhere at anytime. Even if she was (she really was) laying on the floor of the store, rubbing her belly saying she was tired and wanting to go home. We refrained from berating her, realizing she was not in anyone's way at the moment and not screaming. We'd give her a bath when once we were home and honestly, it was downright silly and amusing. It was hard not to laugh. I am guessing at least one other fellow people watcher was enjoying her antics too.

Anywho, people watching is fun and sometimes educational. Don't you agree?

Contemplations on Death

2006-11-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

I am new ICU nurse, straight from nursing school to one of the toughest areas of nursing. ICU has some of the sickest patients, many in an acute crisis. Sometimes we help save a life. Sometimes, we witness the end of a life. Today, I witnessed first hand my first end of life.

I have had patients that were fatally ill that died after I had them on other shifts, but never has one I cared for died on my watch. It made me contemplative.

At first, there was the made flurry of medications, interventions and calls to doctors as we tried to save a life that was slipping. It was so chaotic. Everything must be documented. Label IV lines flowing into the patient. Double-check medication doses. Check vital signs and titrate the medications even more. Before you know it, there are 6 medications flowing into the patient. Many of the medications are starting to sound the same so I was triple checking myself. Xrays and ultrasounds had been done. I was using a doppler to find pulses as the patient slipped deeper into shock. Calls were made to the family. Meanwhile, my other patient needs me. Oh, and have I documented everything yet?

It became obvious within 2 hours hours that nothing was going to save her today. We still kept doing all the tasks, but eventually the family also came to the same understanding and decided to stop it all. The patient was removed from the ventillator. The medications were stopped, except the one for pain. That one, we increased the dosage. Within in minutes, the patient had no readble EKG, aka she was in asystole. She continued to breathe, in a strange gasping, slow motion manner. We couldn't feel a pulse, but there must have been a small, thready, weak beat from her heart. Eventually, even all that faded away. Quietly. So, quiet.

That is when it hit me. Up until those last 15 minutes, everything had been so ugly, so fast, so tense, painful and then suddenly it was peaceful. Quiet. The patient looked so relaxed. Almost relieved. Later, as we worked with the funeral home to transport her body, I looked at her hands and her face and thought about the long life she held. The children she raised. The things she did with those hands. I thought about what a privilege it was for me to be with her now and take care of her at the end of her life. Such an awesome privilege. I treated her with respect, talked to the family, and still managed to take care of my other patient.

I wondered if I was numb. Why wasn't I affected like this woman's family that was sobbing....losing their mother the day before Thanksgiving, only days before her 86th birthday? I was thinking about how the next couple of holidays would be tough on them as they remembered her passing. Then, I came back to my work and realized this wasn't personally happening to me. It was happening to them. I had the privilege of helping them through today and helping their mother have some dignity on her last day.

On a slightly odd note, just before we took the patient off the ventillator, I was asked to open the window near her room. I did it without thinking, because I didn't have time to wonder why. I found out why later. Our staff is superstitious. They feel the open window lets the soul escape. I was told "It lets them out of the unit." Who knew all these experienced, intelligent nurses could be so superstitious? :)

Welcome

2006-11-22T16:25:00.000-08:00

People have always commented about me getting up on my soapbox to rant about something. Well, over the years I have mellowed a smidge and I think I lost my soapbox. Maybe I can find my soapbox again and express some random ramblings about life and somethings that approximate life. I hear that is what blogging is all about.